Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Giving Back


For me it was the best money spent, the most rewarding 90 minutes of my life. I had so much pain in my body that this was the only way I imagined it leaving. It was my first Bikram class and the start of my journey into this beautful new life.

This week, with the invitation of a friend I ventured back into the hot room. It has been almost a year since my last hot yoga class. It was hot, it was challenging but none of that really bothered me. What did bother me was my back, it started to spasm about 20 minutes into class. It brought back to light the reason why I started doing yoga. I had this burning sensation in my mid back and nothing would take the pain away. The more I did hot yoga, the more it went away. But yesterday all of that came back. My back has not felt that way in almost 2 years. Why did this happen now? Should I be concerned? All racing in my head during class. I came into childs pose and I just felt the pain. I took a breath and let it all sink in. I am a teacher, I should know all the answers. But I didn't. All I can say even now is that sometimes the body is reminding you of something for a reason, maybe a phantom pain or even the past rearing its head back up and reminding me to forgive myself. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is listening to your body's needs. As soon as the class ended, the pain went away and I was on cloud nine. The pain was a reminder to rest, to breathe and to let my practice be my own. To not just go in the room and be the best or do all 28 postures. To let each moment sink in and sometimes taking a little extra time to enjoy, to breathe and to be present both on the mat and when I step off.

As we all try to journey on in life, the past will show up, in nooks and crannies, in the stragest of places or even just out right in your face. It will come in the form of a person, an experience, a movie, a restaurant or for me a yoga class. How do you deal with that reminder? For me, my past is the hardest part of my yoga practice. To let go of what happened, to enjoy the present moment. Never underestimate what someone has been through. Knowing that my past is affecting my decisions now. Others living for the future, what could happen and those rare beings that are always present, always living for the now. Take that awareness into class, into the workplace, relationships and every single person you meet.


I challenge you for the month of December to put all that into your practice. To delve into the depths of why you started coming to yoga. Put that passion back into your practice, to go deeper, to stay in a pose longer and to breathe for just one more second. Challenge yourself yourself to get onto the mat, to go off the mat and to find that space in between. Respect, love and serve those around you without a motive and find true joy and happiness! And take that extra minute in class, stay in a pose longer, take child's pose or lay in savasana and just soak up being you.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Starting Over--Finding Joy Afterall

We all have this spark within us, that thing that ignites us, for me it is gymnastics. This is one of my childhood hero's. I meet so many people that used to find joy in their job or their family and they are forgetting why they ever loved it at all.
Please watch both of the attached clips.


years later, here is Vanessa...


Vanessa had quit gymnastics after not making the olympic trials and gave all of her money to other people. She felt that it was "dirty" and she did not deserve it because other people made her feel guilty for not making the olympics. I was never at the caliber of competition that Vanessa was at and I can only imagine how difficult that stress and pressure must have been. I see people all the time that are stuck in the past. They were this, they used to be so happy, or they just talk about the past as if that is all that life is supposed to be. I see no life in their eyes. Yoga brought that spark back into my eyes, that drive to enjoy life again. It made me want to get out of bed in the morning and spread my joy for life into the world. That fire never dies within us, you can find joy in other people being happy. For me and Vanessa, to perform for an audience of one is enough. It makes me happy to be upside down walking on my hands. That is me. What makes you happy when no one is looking, gives you joy unspeakable?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Love_Me


I feel blessed to have so much love in my life. To be loved, to give my love to others and to see it all around me. To know that when one of us suffers, we all suffer. Love is a connection that we feel on different levels. It all is commonly rooted in compassion. To be genuine and to show your true self without ego or attachment.
Do you love yourself?
That might be my greatest lesson of this year, to love myself. It might be the hardest thing for me to do. To turn my attention away from others, away from giving and to turn it on myself and receive. I now love doing things for myself, like cleaning my house, washing the dishes and taking a long bath. I love going to dinner with myself, I love who I am. I love all of my quirky habits, that I am not a copy of anyone else and that I have taken this time to really get to know who I am. I know that in doing this it has helped me to discover what I need and look for in friends, in a partnership, in a relationship.  I know what I am good at, what I lack and when I just need time alone to give back to me. When I am at my best, it makes me a better vessel in which to give and to love.

I ask of all that read this. What kind of love are you sharing with others? Do you support people in this journey of life, through the joy and the pain? Or do you compete with others to win an endless race and constantly exude hatred and bitterness? Life is so much better when you can show yourself and others compassion. We are all walking the same path of life and it helps to know that there is someone near who does love you and care for you.
If you love someone, say it. There is no shame, only joy in knowing that this connection exists and we feel it.

The children of Adam are limbs of one body
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others
You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man"
-Sa'di

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Oh the places you will go....

Oh the places that I have been....
Oh the people that I have met....
Oh the experiences I have had....




I have this itch in my body to travel, to see the world and to experience life without supermarkets, public transportation and high rises. I have a curiosity to learn and to inspire through my actions. I had somewhat of a rebellious streak growing up but that curiosity to learn and travel never hindered that. I saw rules as limiting my ability to grow, to get out into the world and truly understand life.  Learning for me is not reading----we can all read! Learning is applying a principle and living it out, feeling it down into your bones, to the deepest layer of your soul. 


Yesterday I was allowed to spend the entire day with one of my amazing friends. I taught a yoga class with her in the morning and by mid-morning, starving for something to eat, I made her my very top secret vegan cookies. We go to whole foods and pick up ingredients, get home and I go to work. I put it all together and had this great idea, not in the rule books or on the recipe at all. So I grab the blender and make up this goo of  chia seeds, chocolate peanut butter, a little almond milk, coconut oil and bananas. I mix it in and taste what could quite possibly be Satan, in cookie form. They were delicious! It was one of those few moments where breaking the rules actually paid off for me. 
I am not proud to tell you this because it has led me into a lot of trouble but if I did not agree with the rule or it did not make sense to me I would break it, bend it or just pretend I never saw it. 

Same goes for recipes and the rest of my life. I learned how to bake by not doing what I was supposed to, watching cooking shows and then just  going into the kitchen and making a bunch of food. Some was good, some was awful but that is the only way I know how to truly learn any craft, to put my hands on it, make a couple mistakes and keep doing it.



I know that my journey in life does not stop here in California, I will move on and go other places, touch other people and taste a different part of the world. I know that my desire to learn from life experience comes at a cost. As I get wiser, I realize there are times to just follow the rules but there are also times to shake off what everyone is telling you and just follow your heart. Like Dr. Seuss said “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” 

My purpose and direction only becomes more clear as I get on my mat, as I go out into the world, as I meet new people and as I start to see my actions reflecting what is in my heart---to give, to live and to love!



Friday, November 2, 2012

on the edge


I wrote a whole piece and decided this morning it needs more time. I shut my computer and went to the Venice Farmers Market. I walked around, hanging my head and feeling a little disappointed in myself. I just felt tired. I came home and sat down at my computer screen. I went back through past journal posts and this is all I kept thinking, "are we on the brink of greatness or are we hoping for greatness and expecting to fail?" I read all my thoughts and looking back I came up with that statement. There is hope for progress but it is filled with fear. So that is my challenge today, tomorrow and every day after that. To push forward without fear.

be on the edge, feel it, touch it and then take a leap of faith!
XO