Living Your Story

At some point we recognize that the world of sensations alone cannot bring us genuine peace or happiness. 

My moment came over three years ago after my motorcycle accident. I had never felt more alone or without a purpose in my life. When you are forced to lay in a hospital bed you get that time to think and see the actions or in my case the inaction of friends and people that said they cared about me. I had this pain not just in my physical body but in my soul. I saw that life was full of distractions (especially in Las Vegas) and I wanted to discover a part of life that gave me value. 

I look back at that time in my life and see that it was just a chapter of my life. I can go back and re-read it as much as I want but that part of my life is over. Each one of us is a living story, we are writing the story of our life. You can allow these outside influences to change the story, you can decide when a new chapter begins and where you decide to put the climax of your life. We have identity points in the story, they shape who we are, how we identify with others and ourself. But that identity that we "think" we are is just a tiny glimpse into the ultimate essence of who you really are. 

I started doing some reading about the physical body.....

98% of the atoms in your body are being replaced annually. Your stomach lining every five days, your skin every month and your liver replaces itself every six weeks. If our physical body can renew itself in that time span how much so can we reshape our mental and spiritual aspects as well. Nature is always in this cycle of renewing and our bodies are part of that cycle as well. 

If your physical body is constantly renewing so your mental and spiritual body are also in that same state. All of these feelings are part of the natural cycle of life. It is a sign that it is time to change your view, change up your life and shift your focus.

The nourishment of my body comes from food, my mind from books, but the nourishment of my soul comes from yoga.

Yoga Mat For Sale

I was tired.

I was uninspired.

I was restless.

I was irritated....

....I was over my yoga practice!

Change is always occurring, are you aware that it is happening? Are you open to change? 
When my daily routine had not changed but my reaction, my action and my inability to act all changed that meant it was time for me to change.

I saw that my body awareness had reached a level that my actions were not at. I needed to start living my yoga a little more than I was practicing it. I could take this as, I am lazy and just need to get up and go to class. I understand being tired, sore, bored, that was not what was going on here. I was depleted of energy, in the sense that I could not give anything to myself, not a practice, not even a motivational pep talk in the morning.

I sat down and wrote down what was inspiring me:
1. William Fitzsimmons
2. Coffee: black and very hot
3. Sunshine and Sunglasses
4. Large Kale Salads
5. Big t-shirts and knee high socks



When I finished my list, not one person was on that list. I realized that used to be the only thing on my list. I was inspired by people, their courage, their honesty and the truth that they stood for. I had a late dinner with a friend of mine later that day and I told her what was going on. I knew I had shut some people out but honestly I had nothing to give them, nothing to take from them and needed time to be alone. I was at this place where no one had much to offer me, things were starting to take their place. 

I needed to take time out to close my eyes and settle in to a new practice. To reduce situations, circumstances and people who deplete me of my vitality and enthusiasm for life. She understood. There was no advice to give, no words because we both knew exactly what was happening. I was changing. Like the seasons, like the moon cycles, new life is breathed into the earth and my winds were blowing. Friends come, enemies come and as soon as they serve their purpose in our life they leave. One day they might show up again but ultimately I am on a journey with myself and right now I am happy with my socks, ray bans and cup of coffee. For now, this is me. Excited for what tomorrow holds and what today has taught me!

I know this blog is all about connecting from the yoga mat to the real world. Sometimes your yoga mat doesn't need to be rolled out it needs to be sold. It needs to be given to someone that needs it more than I do. So I ask you all, 

What is it that you need to step away from?

Tough Love

A yogi cultivates an inner awareness that cannot be shaken by the turmoil of life.

Think of that in a yoga class….

Someone walks in to class and throws down their mat, walks all over the room, strikes up conversation with others and you lay there trying to relax, be still. Or, someone comes in late, rolls out their mat and always starts to move and breathe so loudly. Gets out of poses early, walks in and out of the room and tries to be the center of attention.

When I take class I want to be left alone, I want to be in a space where no one can bother me. I have changed yoga studios, gone at random times of the day….and all to no avail. I have learned that there is no perfect scenario, no perfect teacher and no perfect class. I can sit there and analyze all the things that are wrong, I can get in my head and go through all these things OR I can lay there and let no one interrupt the space that I am in.

We have a choice to renew peace and calm within ourselves. I have the blessing of a beautiful dog that I am able to walk all around Venice. During those walks it is when I am most present with my actions, my thoughts and my breath. Walking meditation is what I started practicing on those walks. Each step brings you back to the present moment, each step enables you to touch what is beautiful, what is true. How can you do this in your yoga practice? By allowing each inhale and exhale, each pose be a starting point, a place to dig in deeper, to focus the mind on one thing at a time and make it the most beautiful, everlasting moment it can be.

Now think of it in your everyday life.....

I was in San Francisco over the weekend and as I go to my car to leave and drive home my window had been smashed and car broken in to. My phone screen was not turning on and I had to be back in Los Angeles by 5 pm that night. I had to make a choice….to freak out (which solves nothing) or to go upstairs and figure this all out. My friends gathered close to me, loaned me a phone and one missed her flight to drive back with me. 

There are so many obstacles that come in to our life. We can look at each one, analyze it, and beat ourselves up over thoughts of “I deserved this” or “Why me?” Or we can grab our keys, clean out the car and drive home.

I am so grateful for my scars. They remind me of pain, of difficulty and of strife. I want that in my life. I live for trouble and difficulty and strive off of rising past those tough times. I am a survivor and why I love yoga so much. Those classes where you feel like giving up, your body is shaking and you take one more breath, you finish the best you can and wind up feeling so incredible. Each class is a battle in my mind and I love it. I love cheating, I love being called out on it and pushing myself to limits I didn’t know I could reach.

I would rather go through life knowing that I have loved, I have felt life at its deepest parts and been hurt than to go through life bitter, angry and wishing I had taken a chance. Be forgiving of others, be kind to those that least expect it and when someone annoys you in class, smile and push through til you feel joy again.

“It is better to feel pain than nothing at all.”—The Lumineers

SuperLove

As I sit here in the beautiful San Francisco Bay I look out to a different part of California. I am not in my normal element, I don't know anyone, I am watching life from a different view of unfamiliar territories and I cannot help but to see that we are connected. We are all longing to connect, to feel apart of something that is bigger than us. We all get bogged down with daily stress and pressure to fit in when we already do. I find that when my expectations for life simplify I have found a new appreciation for sunsets, for meeting complete strangers that are nicer than some of my real friends and joy in having coffee and watching the city come alive.

                                                             
  I started this year off with my blog being a primary focus. To grow, to experience life in a whole new way. This weekend I am excited to be here in the bay and watch some amazing football but above that my goal to travel is starting to blossom. Driving up here and taking the time to  sit down and observe life from a coffee shop is what I feel called to do. I like the change of pace, the unfamiliar territory and the inspiration that I gain to push harder, be stronger and learn every single day. I ask myself questions all the time. And it was never the questions that were hard to ask it was the answer. I had bad habits. Not lazy habits, bad habits. Calling up friends that I knew were toxic because I was bored. Grabbing dinner with a friend when I knew I should just stay in and save the money. Staying out late with friends when I had to teach in the morning.

So what happened is I answered those questions. Being in a new place you are able to clear your mind and seperate the problem from the emotion....or at least for me.
It was hard to put the answers into action. Hard to cut ties.
I started feeling guilty when I would go back to something I knew was not serving me.

Then events started occurring that made those people disappear.
And I started to see that I was given a gift. A precious gift that was wrapped in the most beautiful way.
I was given a chance to start over. To begin again. And to slowly let people in my life that served a purpose.

I was given this blog as a way to keep me on track. I love sharing my life, my thoughts and my heart with anyone who will read. Above all, this blog is my life through yoga. How can I practice what I preach!