Why Do I Do What I Do

My quest, to write the 'why' to actions, emotions or to our words. Why we have become the people that we are is not defined by our past, it is defined by our reason to exist. There has to be a greater force that lies behind us. For many it is money or financial gain, for others they have gone past money or material items and have a cause, something they champion every day. How we live our lives is always being redefined, that can take a lifetime to achieve one goal or by many causes that are checked off consistently. Once achieved, it is what we do after, to find it again, because the chase, the journey is truly what we all love.

Ultimately, we love struggle and pain but we want the outcomes. I find outcomes to be rewarding and anticlimactic, they are great for that moment and then, it is as if that fear, that unknown is revealed and we must redefine our cause. If we are defined by what we do, what is it that we are doing? Or is it not so much what we do but how we do it? I have yet to meet someone that was passionate about what they do (work or for fun) and did not end up being successful. Maybe not rich, or even close to it, but they accomplished what they set out to do.

Does it matter if you are first place or walking through the finish line? Apply that to your entire life, not an actual finish line in all scenarios but you get the point. If we always have to get better we are never taking time to enjoy the outcome but instead we are chasers, or for a more hot spot word, we are addicts. You are addicted to the chase, to wanting more. More money, more things, or even in the endurance sport arena, we want to be faster and we are willing to do anything to get it done.

I came from a very modest family that taught me as long as there is food on the table and a roof over my head I was not allowed to complain. I don't think I have followed that guideline very well. This blog is a check in for me, it is to share what is on my radar and what my goals are. I want to become more 'why' centered instead of 'how does it benefit me' centered. I have these goals written down, that is the easy part. Now, I am on to actually doing it.

Time Out

The soul within our individual souls

loves the one who runs and falls down

more than the one who sits and watches.

-Rumi

Our lives are made into stories over the fluctuations, proof that timing is everything and madness can strike at any moment. We have all read and heard the amazing stories of how people rose up from the ashes, how they defined a moment in time that changed them. You can see it, a child within them that once loved to be adventurous. You can see when people have experienced hardships and pain, it never dulls from their eyes. I have learned myself that it is just as great to "sit and watch"  as it is to "run and fall down." That the dark times define for us moments of reflection where you can decide to be better and produce the life you envision.

I am just a simple observer of life, but is it not relevant for adults to take time to reflect, to sit and think about their actions? As children we are reprimanded, we are scolded and put in time out. As adults, we rarely have that opportunity, we continue along a path, maybe taking a moment to recognize our wrong doings or we just keep moving. I believe that time alone is one of the keys to feeling healthy. That reflection keeps your ego in check, it allows you to see life from a different perspective and that is imperative to our evolution. 

Hiking up the canyons, enjoying the fresh air and being able to stand atop this crazy town is a feeling like nothing else. Feeling sand in between my toes, swiping my fingers through the grains, feeling the warmth of sunshine and hearing the waves rolling in allows a moment for me to feel small and yet taken care of. As I practice living off the mat, I realize there are templates for mediation. At first it is always difficult and challenging to be quiet but as time passes we start to crave those moments. I think the difference between meditation and any other form of quiet is that it is a choice, we have to choose to make it a part of our day instead of life hitting us and forcing us to take time off.

I started noticing that I loved being alone about three years ago, for some of you I know you can run circles around this but for me it was a revelation, it became time that I cherished. I devoted these moments to being quiet. It didn't matter what I did that day, all that became obvious was that I could then focus my attention better at work. I make sure to have time, even small chunks of time to write, to read, to meditate, to clean my house and light incense, to just be a girl, to be out of the chaos. That is my meditation and it is not the classic version that anyone will teach you but it allows me to calm down, to go within and reflect on my actions instead of everyone else and what they are doing wrong.

Life will fluctuate with each one of us, as the highs come it is important to maintain a consistent effort of quiet time so that when we need that solitude, we have a consistent schedule of time blocked out. Life will give you time outs regardless if you take them or not, I truly believe it is in those moments that we are capable of change.