Yoga Mat For Sale

I was tired.

I was uninspired.

I was restless.

I was irritated....

....I was over my yoga practice!

Change is always occurring, are you aware that it is happening? Are you open to change? 
When my daily routine had not changed but my reaction, my action and my inability to act all changed that meant it was time for me to change.

I saw that my body awareness had reached a level that my actions were not at. I needed to start living my yoga a little more than I was practicing it. I could take this as, I am lazy and just need to get up and go to class. I understand being tired, sore, bored, that was not what was going on here. I was depleted of energy, in the sense that I could not give anything to myself, not a practice, not even a motivational pep talk in the morning.

I sat down and wrote down what was inspiring me:
1. William Fitzsimmons
2. Coffee: black and very hot
3. Sunshine and Sunglasses
4. Large Kale Salads
5. Big t-shirts and knee high socks



When I finished my list, not one person was on that list. I realized that used to be the only thing on my list. I was inspired by people, their courage, their honesty and the truth that they stood for. I had a late dinner with a friend of mine later that day and I told her what was going on. I knew I had shut some people out but honestly I had nothing to give them, nothing to take from them and needed time to be alone. I was at this place where no one had much to offer me, things were starting to take their place. 

I needed to take time out to close my eyes and settle in to a new practice. To reduce situations, circumstances and people who deplete me of my vitality and enthusiasm for life. She understood. There was no advice to give, no words because we both knew exactly what was happening. I was changing. Like the seasons, like the moon cycles, new life is breathed into the earth and my winds were blowing. Friends come, enemies come and as soon as they serve their purpose in our life they leave. One day they might show up again but ultimately I am on a journey with myself and right now I am happy with my socks, ray bans and cup of coffee. For now, this is me. Excited for what tomorrow holds and what today has taught me!

I know this blog is all about connecting from the yoga mat to the real world. Sometimes your yoga mat doesn't need to be rolled out it needs to be sold. It needs to be given to someone that needs it more than I do. So I ask you all, 

What is it that you need to step away from?

Tough Love

A yogi cultivates an inner awareness that cannot be shaken by the turmoil of life.

Think of that in a yoga class….

Someone walks in to class and throws down their mat, walks all over the room, strikes up conversation with others and you lay there trying to relax, be still. Or, someone comes in late, rolls out their mat and always starts to move and breathe so loudly. Gets out of poses early, walks in and out of the room and tries to be the center of attention.

When I take class I want to be left alone, I want to be in a space where no one can bother me. I have changed yoga studios, gone at random times of the day….and all to no avail. I have learned that there is no perfect scenario, no perfect teacher and no perfect class. I can sit there and analyze all the things that are wrong, I can get in my head and go through all these things OR I can lay there and let no one interrupt the space that I am in.

We have a choice to renew peace and calm within ourselves. I have the blessing of a beautiful dog that I am able to walk all around Venice. During those walks it is when I am most present with my actions, my thoughts and my breath. Walking meditation is what I started practicing on those walks. Each step brings you back to the present moment, each step enables you to touch what is beautiful, what is true. How can you do this in your yoga practice? By allowing each inhale and exhale, each pose be a starting point, a place to dig in deeper, to focus the mind on one thing at a time and make it the most beautiful, everlasting moment it can be.

Now think of it in your everyday life.....

I was in San Francisco over the weekend and as I go to my car to leave and drive home my window had been smashed and car broken in to. My phone screen was not turning on and I had to be back in Los Angeles by 5 pm that night. I had to make a choice….to freak out (which solves nothing) or to go upstairs and figure this all out. My friends gathered close to me, loaned me a phone and one missed her flight to drive back with me. 

There are so many obstacles that come in to our life. We can look at each one, analyze it, and beat ourselves up over thoughts of “I deserved this” or “Why me?” Or we can grab our keys, clean out the car and drive home.

I am so grateful for my scars. They remind me of pain, of difficulty and of strife. I want that in my life. I live for trouble and difficulty and strive off of rising past those tough times. I am a survivor and why I love yoga so much. Those classes where you feel like giving up, your body is shaking and you take one more breath, you finish the best you can and wind up feeling so incredible. Each class is a battle in my mind and I love it. I love cheating, I love being called out on it and pushing myself to limits I didn’t know I could reach.

I would rather go through life knowing that I have loved, I have felt life at its deepest parts and been hurt than to go through life bitter, angry and wishing I had taken a chance. Be forgiving of others, be kind to those that least expect it and when someone annoys you in class, smile and push through til you feel joy again.

“It is better to feel pain than nothing at all.”—The Lumineers

SuperLove

As I sit here in the beautiful San Francisco Bay I look out to a different part of California. I am not in my normal element, I don't know anyone, I am watching life from a different view of unfamiliar territories and I cannot help but to see that we are connected. We are all longing to connect, to feel apart of something that is bigger than us. We all get bogged down with daily stress and pressure to fit in when we already do. I find that when my expectations for life simplify I have found a new appreciation for sunsets, for meeting complete strangers that are nicer than some of my real friends and joy in having coffee and watching the city come alive.

                                                             
  I started this year off with my blog being a primary focus. To grow, to experience life in a whole new way. This weekend I am excited to be here in the bay and watch some amazing football but above that my goal to travel is starting to blossom. Driving up here and taking the time to  sit down and observe life from a coffee shop is what I feel called to do. I like the change of pace, the unfamiliar territory and the inspiration that I gain to push harder, be stronger and learn every single day. I ask myself questions all the time. And it was never the questions that were hard to ask it was the answer. I had bad habits. Not lazy habits, bad habits. Calling up friends that I knew were toxic because I was bored. Grabbing dinner with a friend when I knew I should just stay in and save the money. Staying out late with friends when I had to teach in the morning.

So what happened is I answered those questions. Being in a new place you are able to clear your mind and seperate the problem from the emotion....or at least for me.
It was hard to put the answers into action. Hard to cut ties.
I started feeling guilty when I would go back to something I knew was not serving me.

Then events started occurring that made those people disappear.
And I started to see that I was given a gift. A precious gift that was wrapped in the most beautiful way.
I was given a chance to start over. To begin again. And to slowly let people in my life that served a purpose.

I was given this blog as a way to keep me on track. I love sharing my life, my thoughts and my heart with anyone who will read. Above all, this blog is my life through yoga. How can I practice what I preach!

i will NEVER stop: Living

Be daring, take a risk and go for what your heart desires. Words that I wrote listening to Fast Cars. Have you ever been in a moment that is so exhilarating where all else just seems so insignificant, so dull and boring? I challenge you to find those moments, those people and never let them leave your life. Surround yourself with people who fly above all the rest, that want to speed into their dreams and make them come true! 

I see so many people that have this false sense of security. They must lock their doors, they have an alarm and a door man that keep them a fortress to get to. Are you ever secure, free from pain or suffering? If someone wants to break into your house, all of those "security" precautions are not going to stop them. The same is true in life. Your never protected from a car accident, a health scare or heartbreak. They happen and sometimes when you least expect it to. That should never prevent you from getting in a car or living life. In fact it should make you want to enjoy this day. 

So many times we are scared to tell someone how we feel, we are afraid to ask for a raise or to stand up for ourselves. We feel SECURE by what is currently holding us. We always say that we want to change, we want to be married but when the time comes---fear strikes!

The night of my motorcycle accident I knew I should not go on motorcycles, I knew how dangerous they were but I am a risk taker. To some, a flaw. To me, it shows me that no matter how hard life may kick me down, I will always try, I will stay strong when everything around me has given way. I only have this one life and I want to end it knowing I did experience life and never let a moment slip by me because I was too afraid to speak my mind or try something new. My accident gave me a platform to help others who have been through the same rebuilding process. So I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. I don't want you to get on a motorcycle necessarily but I do want to inspire you to live without the fear of something turning out badly. It can be small changes, it can be the biggest leap you have ever taken, but when it comes to life, never be afraid to live!


I want you to get uncomfortable, I want you to struggle. Then you will not only grow, you will thrive! 

i will NEVER stop: Giving

  

I was making tea for myself last week and this was written on the back of the tea bag. I pulled it off, got on my yoga mat and sat with it for a second. I started to do a little yoga and ultimately had to stop and journal for awhile. What I wrote this week comes deep from my heart, it took a lot out of me last year and for some of you it might explain my behavior. I was looking to be loved when it all came down to it. I wanted someone to love, I wanted to feel loved. REAL, HONEST and PURE LOVE. And when I finally wrote all that down I realized I was loved by others but was not loving myself the way I should have. 

As a teacher I always had time to give back to others. I was giving of myself all day that it was hard to go into a space where I had to give back to me. I was used to being in a relationship where I was loved. I had never been in this space where I had no one to love me back. My love was running dry and my relationships suffered. I became very reclusive part of this year and I found that I had nothing to give to others. I would go teach class, come home and stay there. I did not want to talk to anyone, I was suffering in a way I had never experienced. I was happy, I was healthy and I felt on top of the world sill but I was not being loved. I had to learn to love myself when no one else was there to do it. I had to learn the enjoy the company of myself. To give of myself to others means that I must first give back to me. That means taking care of myself the best I can especially if I expect someone else to one day walk in my life and love me, then I need to know what I need in order to be loved in all capacities.

I want each and every person that reads this to know how driven I am to GIVE. When I take the time out to give back to me, I am able to give back to you so much more. I will NEVER stop giving to you, the community and especially to myself. My problem has never been not giving to others, it was always realizing when I needed to be taken care of. We are ingrained from a young age to always think of others first and that is important. But in this day and age of independence who is really taking care of you? No one knows how your feeling unless you tell them. I would spend time with friends telling them how I felt, hoping they would understand, they would feel sympathy for me but they didn't. And how grateful am I to them!

In order to give you must love and in return you are able to live the fullest life possible! 
I give because I do love. I care for people and see the beauty in each person. I also see struggle, pain and heartache. But as much as I would love to give you all the answers, each of us must learn how we can love ourselves instead of live in the pain, in the past. That is my gift to you. I want you to be selfish for a week and not splurging with your wallet. But make yourself a meal, go for a walk, spend time being alone to read, to journal, to do something that gives you joy without costing money. I am making a vision board of all the places I want to see, the things I want to accomplish and for the first time this year I was able to fully give back to myself and see what I want to create and inspire this year.

i will NEVER stop

If I could tell people one thing about me that has never changed it is that I will never stop. I will always change, learn, grow and evolve. The key to my inspiration is that it comes from this constant desire, a flame that will never be put out. I will never stop teaching, stop being a student or stop myself from doing something out of fear. Inside each of us is a flame, we ignite that flame to burn a little brighter, to feel that sense of belonging, of tradition and respect for the past yet growth towards what lies ahead.

I love stories so here is what inspired this post. I had a friend in town over New Year's and we went to the church where her parents were married. Probably not the most desired places that I would have thought to take her or even find inspiration but that is what happened. We walk into this Lebanese Catholic Church in Beverly Hills and I immediately felt at peace. I sat in the pews as she went around taking pictures. I could not help sitting down and just taking it all in. As I sit here and write all the emotions from then come pouring in. I don't know what it is about church or for that fact religion that bring such a calm to my being. I hate going to church and being told what to do, I hate telling people that there are rules they have to live by. But just being in that space, looking at the rows of candles or sitting and seeing this empty church brought about this feeling that I have not had in years, patience. 

I find that one thing I always have with people is patience, as long as you are honest with yourself, patience is key to change.

I am a question person, and so here is my list of questions for you. Answer them or just read....

Why do we value one building over another?

One person over another?

Does religion affect spirituality?

Can you bring religion, this feeling of peace into your yoga practice?

Can you bring it in to the room?

Do you want people to feel that from yoga?

Is that your job to tell people yoga is a form of church or is that blasphemy?

I sat in that church and I told myself that this is what yoga should be cultivating in students. Silence, trust, cleanliness, honor and respect. No matter your beliefs. We all come together united in this space to work out our faults, insecurities and weaknesses. It is a place to support, grow and love each other. 

I want people to walk in a room where I am teaching and feel like they just need to sit down, lay down but just shut their mouth and listen to their body, shut this thinking brain off and allow my voice to carry them through a practice that is tailored to heal, transform and inspire their life.

That is my goal and I hope it becomes yours one day as well.

tergiversate

There is a lioness down the hallway...

......put on your lion's mask and wait.

                                                                                                 --Bukowski

We all wear a mask, the key is to seeing the eyes behind the mask, look into their soul, the heart that beats into those eyes and see that we are all the same.

We desire union in our lives. We have family, friends. We get married. We have clubs, organizations, foundations that unite a common belief in which we all stand upon. Yoga is about union, uniting breath and movement, the busy life with meditation and action versus inaction. I question myself through times of change and I call upon those that I am close to in my union to gain wisdom and advice. 

A union is made in order to advance common goals and to secure common interests. When you find that friend that you "click" with it because of this union.  

In this quest for union, I see disconnect. I see a caste system. 

Am I no less prone to mistakes, error and failure. Am I merely a human just like you. I am doing my best, just like you are. We are all the same. We are all equal. I want people in my life who accept that while we agree in our union, each person that walks past me is equal in struggle, in pain and in growth. We are all capable of being amazing given the ability to shine. Find the union between the people that show up in your life. They are there to teach you as much as you are to teach them. Some will be there for a minute, a year and the lucky ones are there for a lifetime. 

Last Year To New Year

I am so blessed to have this day to contemplate all that has happened this year. I turn inward and reflect upon all that has happened in the last year. I lost myself, my sense of who I was and until that was challenged to the core I never knew who I was. But I know that you will always be in that cycle of finding out more, growing and becoming a better, more vibrant person.
Last year was all about finding myself, learning to be alone, to be confident and to define who I am, what I want and how I am going to get there. 
This year is all about knowing who I am and growing through that knowledge. 

1. Eat Clean, Healthy Food. I am doing 21 days of Raw in January and I will continue to eat as clean and as healthy as I can throughout the year. Splurging at times and especially when my body craves something sweet but everything in moderation and with conscious thought of how that is promoting a healthy, more energetic version of myself.

2. Take time out for me everyday. Take a class, read a book, go for a walk alone but everyday I must take 15 minutes, at the minimum out for myself.

3. Listen. Open up my ears and my eyes not just to people but to my surroundings. I live so close to amazing parks, beaches and museums and I rarely ever go. I will be devoting time off to this and if you would like to join me I would love to have field trips with friends at any time.

4. Give Back. As much as I already do this I want to really make it a point to give of myself, my talents and my knowledge more. I want to train people that are unable to afford it and show people that you can work out anywhere, anyplace and at anytime.

5. Surf. I want to devote time to surfing more. Just like yoga it connects me to this raw feeling of being with nature. Being patient, watchful and ready for anything that will come my way. It is my goal to surf as much as I can both here in LA as well as abroad.

6. Walk. Walk as much as I can, walk my dog, walk to the store, to the beach and just take the time to see all that I miss if I was in my car. Ed, you inspired this one and while I am not as ambitious as you once were I will try my best!

7. Read. I am someone who thrives on education and learning. When I stop learning I feel irritated, stagnant and stuck. I want to read as much as I can and I challenge myself to write about that more in my blogs. To educate, to inspire and to lead!

The Fight to be Right, Is Really Wrong!

Perspective

I see this constant fight over being right, over having the upper hand. This struggle in life to be right and to prove yourself to be validated. Lawyers are required to look at all angles on a case, to argue each side and try to make their argument more valid than the other. What do you really win when you argue with someone else? We will all be right, all be wrong and yet it will not get us any further in life. We are all different in how we were raised, how we learn or communicate. Understand that in each relationship that you have. Be forgiving of each other as we stumble and loving, full of praise when someone succeeds.

So much of our suffering in this world is caused from a lack of perspective. As we enter new phases of life, our perspective changes, we feel pain in a different way, we feel joy never felt. When I was a teenager I started coaching gymnastics. I saw these girls so eager to learn and I loved watching them over the years get stronger, more agile and eventually move up through the levels of competition. Some of them grew tired of doing the same thing. In reality, we are never doing the same thing, each moment is a chance to grow, to learn more. I love yoga because there is no ceiling, you can never arrive. All through life, experiences and moments happen that make you see life differently. We all want to be right, to win people over to our team. But really there is no team, no one wins at the end of their life, we pass on.

Perspective is never about being right. When ego gets in the way of your decision making, you will always lose. When you can see life through the eyes of another, their pain, their past and look into their eyes in the present and understand each word that comes out of their mouth, the actions that pour forth from their hands. Then you can truly understand why that person is the way they are. As a society we love labels, not just on our clothing but on people as well. Anorexic, over-indulgent, successful, depressed, workaholics, etc., we give these labels to people all day without putting much thought into it but we never look into why people are the way they are. How did they get to this point?

I have been judged so much in life. In grade school I was always called anorexic. I had to go home and ask my mom what it meant and even after I knew I never understood how these girls knew what that meant. It hurt my feelings and I tried to eat to prove to them that I was not anorexic at 7 years old. This is the culture that I was raised in. It is horrible, awful and toxic to our self-esteem. As a woman I have dealt with jealous women that just want to hurt me and win a race. It is horrible to think that there is a race, that we are not in this whole race together. To lift someone up when they are down and to celebrate beauty, success and love. Instead we have to cheat, lie and steal to get ahead. Ahead of what?

The tragedy that we faced on Friday will never be forgotten. We ask questions such as, why children? Why them? How can we prevent this? All I can say and from the bottom of my heart is that this is life. Death is a part of life and you will never know when your last breath will be. Change your perspective on life, on death, on your yoga practice, on your spouse, on your best friend. Open up your eyes to this beautiful world that is all around you! The key is to understanding that in reality we know nothing. The truth is what we believe it to be.

Goodnight Moon

Yoga is both the movement toward and the arrival at a point. There are three main components of your yoga practice that you may or may not be aware of, they are: tapas, svadhyaya and isvarapranidhana. Don't even worry about pronouncing those what is important is what they mean and how they incorporate our practice to our daily lives. Tapas is what we do in order to keep up our physical and mental health, a process of inner cleansing that will always show forth in our outer body as well. Svadhyaya is the process of finding out where we are, who we are and what we are. It is in this step that we slowly start to learn that we are constantly changing and so is the world around us. The last component of our practice is isvarapranidhana literally translates "to yield humbly to God," you all have the freewill to decide what you believe in, in yoga this translates more on placing value on the quality of your actions rather than on the fruits that can develop out of it.

From all that, I want to take you to something that is a little more simple yet for some of you so hard to do, and that is sleep. As the winter rolls our way it is so easy to stay in bed just 10 more minutes. I want to focus on the isvarapranidhana of our sleep. Making the quality of our sleep better not so much the quantity. Do you really need 8 hours? NOPE! What you need is the deep, deep rest that can only come when you literally turn everything OFF. I know you have all read studies and books on how to improve your sleep such as stop eating before 8 pm and yes that all helps but here are two things that many of you have never heard.

The key is to keep all electronics OFF and AWAY from you. Here is why--your body is a source of energy, that energy depletes during the day. It will take about a week of no sleep before the body starts to shut down. However, many of us suffer from lack of sleep causing our work to suffer, attention spans to shorten and craving caffeine all the more. When you are not getting enough sleep or not entering REM that healing process is not occurring, thus making you more susceptible to disease and sickness. When you get sick it is because your body is sending you a signal, you need to rest, you need more sleep because the it is not just about laying your head down for 8 hours it is about getting to that place where you can shut everything off.

"Sickness is the vengence of nature for the violation of her laws." --Charles Simmons    

I have learned that phones should not be allowed at dinner or in bed- EVER! I hate when you have your phone out at dinner but for the first time, in a long time, I started leaving my cell phone in the other room at night. It reduced my stress probably 50% because I would not be focused on work--rule of thumb, put your phone out of sight after 8 pm! Electronics (cell phone, computer, alarm clocks and televisions) should be turned off when you are sleeping or at least out of your bedroom. Electronics are not natural, they are not supposed to be near us while we sleep. They, like us, have an energy source, when we are around them our bodies are not allowed to heal, just like a radio interference when your body is near your phone, computer or television it is not getting the best quality that it can. Think of it like you want to enjoy that 4G speed but until those electronics are off you are a CAR PHONE (with the bag and all!) Enjoy the detachment from them, turn them off and put them in the other room!

Lastly, sleep NAKED!! Clothing produces static electricity-think pulling clothes out of the dryer. That static electricity is just like having your phone in bed with you---not good. So turn your phone off, take your clothes off and be HAPPY!