excuse me, did you sign up for the fight?

"the nights you fight best

are

when the kiss of death is mistaken for love.

when the game is fixed,

when the crowd screams for your blood.

the nights you fight best

are 

on a night like this

as you chase a thousand 

dark rats from your brain,

as you rise up against the impossible,

as you become a brother

to the tender sister

of joy and 

move on

regardless."

--C.B.

what drives us to the edge? when all the chips are stacked against us, where we have seen enough darkness, kissed death on the lips, tasted the bitter end, to the point where we must change. no, we have to change, everything; our habits, our goals, our lives.

with maturity has come this new attitude of becoming lost in the chase, instead of having to prove myself with a "see me" attitude, i chase a dream that is mine alone. i get lost in the story of me, sometimes i just get lost in a sea of what i think i want, what i wish i had and how happy i think i would be if i had it all. i recently had to sit down and reattach my goals with my dreams. i envision a life that is possible, that is tangible and that i can touch. and everyday, every single day that passes, is an opportunity to seize all that i can out of it, to truly chase the dream or to let it slip away into the arms of someone who wants it more than me. because that is the true test. do you really want it? 

as children we all wanted that "toy" and we wanted it so bad. it was March, your birthday was months away, Christmas even further but we swore to our parents, buy it for me now and i won't want anything else. but by the time december rolls around we already want the next big thing. that is what i am talking about. i have heard the speech, from clients, friends even family members about what we want, where we want to be but the real question is how bad are you willing to fight for it and what are you willing to give up for that dream? it is not just something you see someone else doing that you want too, it is part of who you are and without it, your life would cease to be as it is. this is what i am talking about. these goals, these dreams.

i found my dreams, i wrote them out in my vision and i turned them into my goals. they wake me up with a little more purpose, help me to stay in the "fight" when all i want to do is eat my face off and push the snooze button another time. one day these goals will become not just a vision that i had, but a reality of a life that i have welcomed and am ready to embrace. i am here to be a light even when all else is dark, to shine bright and to love all those that i come into contact with. what are you doing?

a note for me

As Thanksgiving rolls around this year I start to appreciate all the people in my life, the people that are no longer in my life and the people who were taken away too soon from life. If there is one person that comes to mind this Thanksgiving it is my grandfather. The vision of strong, a provider, an innovator and when I walked in the room his heart would melt, his stubborn ego would all melt away.

While he was in my life he was the perfect example of love, a love that I have strived the rest of my life to find. My parents, showed me a love that is from the tough love category, to them I owe a lot more than just a blog post. A lover, ends in love lost, time lost and wounds open. But my grandfather taught me of a love so deep and profound that can only be given from a grandparent to their grandchild. It is an unconditional love that can only happen between two people that are so profoundly opposite; me in my innocence and him in his wisdom.

Roll out my mat, see my practice today, the frustrations that I have. I realize that I have hit a place where it is time to start a new chapter of my life. It is a shift that looks like this, my life is starting to reflect how I feel inside. What is the attitude that you have toward yourself? Do you reflect outward what is going on inward? A clean car, a clean diet are all reflections of how you truly think and feel about yourself. If you think your going to fail, then you set yourself up to fail. If you look at yourself with the greatest intention, a goal to achieve and a set of shoes that you will grow in to, patience, faith and trust is all that is standing in the way of your success.

As I come in to this holiday season I think back to my Grandfather, who saw all the possibility of who I will grow up to be. A love so deep, it has taken me 25 years to understand. A love I should have for myself, the belief that I am enough, that I want to see myself the way my Grandfather saw me. So here's to Grandpa, to spoiling myself with love and positive thoughts. To being thankful for my body, my life, my dog, my job and life exactly the way they are. 

Goodnight Moon

Yoga is both the movement toward and the arrival at a point. There are three main components of your yoga practice that you may or may not be aware of, they are: tapas, svadhyaya and isvarapranidhana. Don't even worry about pronouncing those what is important is what they mean and how they incorporate our practice to our daily lives. Tapas is what we do in order to keep up our physical and mental health, a process of inner cleansing that will always show forth in our outer body as well. Svadhyaya is the process of finding out where we are, who we are and what we are. It is in this step that we slowly start to learn that we are constantly changing and so is the world around us. The last component of our practice is isvarapranidhana literally translates "to yield humbly to God," you all have the freewill to decide what you believe in, in yoga this translates more on placing value on the quality of your actions rather than on the fruits that can develop out of it.

From all that, I want to take you to something that is a little more simple yet for some of you so hard to do, and that is sleep. As the winter rolls our way it is so easy to stay in bed just 10 more minutes. I want to focus on the isvarapranidhana of our sleep. Making the quality of our sleep better not so much the quantity. Do you really need 8 hours? NOPE! What you need is the deep, deep rest that can only come when you literally turn everything OFF. I know you have all read studies and books on how to improve your sleep such as stop eating before 8 pm and yes that all helps but here are two things that many of you have never heard.

The key is to keep all electronics OFF and AWAY from you. Here is why--your body is a source of energy, that energy depletes during the day. It will take about a week of no sleep before the body starts to shut down. However, many of us suffer from lack of sleep causing our work to suffer, attention spans to shorten and craving caffeine all the more. When you are not getting enough sleep or not entering REM that healing process is not occurring, thus making you more susceptible to disease and sickness. When you get sick it is because your body is sending you a signal, you need to rest, you need more sleep because the it is not just about laying your head down for 8 hours it is about getting to that place where you can shut everything off.

"Sickness is the vengence of nature for the violation of her laws." --Charles Simmons    

I have learned that phones should not be allowed at dinner or in bed- EVER! I hate when you have your phone out at dinner but for the first time, in a long time, I started leaving my cell phone in the other room at night. It reduced my stress probably 50% because I would not be focused on work--rule of thumb, put your phone out of sight after 8 pm! Electronics (cell phone, computer, alarm clocks and televisions) should be turned off when you are sleeping or at least out of your bedroom. Electronics are not natural, they are not supposed to be near us while we sleep. They, like us, have an energy source, when we are around them our bodies are not allowed to heal, just like a radio interference when your body is near your phone, computer or television it is not getting the best quality that it can. Think of it like you want to enjoy that 4G speed but until those electronics are off you are a CAR PHONE (with the bag and all!) Enjoy the detachment from them, turn them off and put them in the other room!

Lastly, sleep NAKED!! Clothing produces static electricity-think pulling clothes out of the dryer. That static electricity is just like having your phone in bed with you---not good. So turn your phone off, take your clothes off and be HAPPY!

                                                                         

who i am

I went surfing last Friday for the first time since moving here two years ago. Being out in the water, you can struggle and fight with the water. You can sit and enjoy the water, you can try to catch every wave that comes in. You can wait for the perfect wave that may or may not ever come. It is this duality; land meets sea, fish meets four legs and where my mind struggles to stay present. There is this moment right before the wave picks you up where you connect with the water, it is such a spiritual atmosphere, a washing away of what is not serving you and becoming aware of the moment, each moment that you have. It all has a purpose, the water, the fish, the seaweed. What is my purpose? 

My experience with the water is my own. It does not mean you will have those same feelings but how we relate to the outside world directly affects our internal state of mind, happiness and health. You can be afraid to get in the water, afraid to take a chance in life and that will affect the rest of your life. My thoughts toward myself are either supporting me or they are tearing me down. My yoga practice or surfing session is as easy or as hard as I want to make it and my relationships are as deep and connected as I make them. It is all in how I perceive and relate to the world around me. All of life is a series of choices, I have the ability to create the life that I want by my choices.

I starting thinking about all the violent thoughts that I hear people say all day long. It is all related to their experience. What you do in life is all based on perception. How successful do I want to be, how much love do I want to allow in my life and how much will I give back to the world around me. There is enough for all of us, enough success, enough money and enough love. There are waves rolling into shore all day, the question is, "Are you catching the waves or letting them roll right past you?"

I choose to be true and honest to who I am. I am stubborn and independent, I love turning the music up loud! I love to dance in my socks and bake cookies when I cannot sleep. Eat clean. Work hard. Forgive all. I smile when I cannot contain my joy, laugh often and cry just as much. That is my life, I won't apologize for it but I hope to take you on this journey with me and hope to inspire you to just be you. Be silly, fall in love, break someones heart, learn how to be on your own, laugh loud, smile every moment you can and enjoy this life.