a note for me

As Thanksgiving rolls around this year I start to appreciate all the people in my life, the people that are no longer in my life and the people who were taken away too soon from life. If there is one person that comes to mind this Thanksgiving it is my grandfather. The vision of strong, a provider, an innovator and when I walked in the room his heart would melt, his stubborn ego would all melt away.

While he was in my life he was the perfect example of love, a love that I have strived the rest of my life to find. My parents, showed me a love that is from the tough love category, to them I owe a lot more than just a blog post. A lover, ends in love lost, time lost and wounds open. But my grandfather taught me of a love so deep and profound that can only be given from a grandparent to their grandchild. It is an unconditional love that can only happen between two people that are so profoundly opposite; me in my innocence and him in his wisdom.

Roll out my mat, see my practice today, the frustrations that I have. I realize that I have hit a place where it is time to start a new chapter of my life. It is a shift that looks like this, my life is starting to reflect how I feel inside. What is the attitude that you have toward yourself? Do you reflect outward what is going on inward? A clean car, a clean diet are all reflections of how you truly think and feel about yourself. If you think your going to fail, then you set yourself up to fail. If you look at yourself with the greatest intention, a goal to achieve and a set of shoes that you will grow in to, patience, faith and trust is all that is standing in the way of your success.

As I come in to this holiday season I think back to my Grandfather, who saw all the possibility of who I will grow up to be. A love so deep, it has taken me 25 years to understand. A love I should have for myself, the belief that I am enough, that I want to see myself the way my Grandfather saw me. So here's to Grandpa, to spoiling myself with love and positive thoughts. To being thankful for my body, my life, my dog, my job and life exactly the way they are. 

BiG

 I always imagined that I would do something BIG. I would be important. I would change the lives of others. But what defines BIG? Why was it so important to me? Why did people tell me to dream big? And, if we all do something BIG, is it still BIG?

I started writing this in my journal last week. I was reflecting on goals that I had even as far back as childhood. When I was 9, I wanted to be an Olympian. When I was 13, I wanted to be a federal agent. In college I was studying to be an accountant. In this current moment, I am teaching yoga, writing a blog and enjoy living by the beach with amazing friends. 

Big goals are great to set and even more when they are achieved. But what am I doing today that will impact that goal tomorrow? I think we all want to make a big impact in the world, there is nothing wrong with that. Yet, each day I need to set out and let the little steps take me towards the larger goals. If I cannot inspire one person today how will I ever inspire millions of people in the future.

Your ultimate purpose is to be. To be present, to be aware, to be loved. And to show that to others in return. That is why my blog exists. To share. To inspire. To grow. To one person, and then to hundreds, thousands, millions, billions and then to infinity. And it started with one simple mission.

Give.
Live.
Love.
The End.

Please hold....

The ebb and flow of life. We live for the highs. Love when things go our way. When the universe seems to hear our every thought and answers it better than we even asked for. It is the valleys, the moments of stagnation and holds. It tests our patience, it refines who we are and what we stand for if we are willing. It is hard to be in that space. We get tired, restless and wonder when things will change. It is in those times that we learn the most, we set goals, say things will change. What happens when you are put on hold, stuck with no escape?

There is no way to remain the way you are now: you either become more rigid and crystallize, or you break out of patterns and transform. In yoga, you never achieve a pose, you start to find out how a posture works, you work at that and then continue to break out of old habits and discover better ones. Our bodies change, mind changes; we change. The pose never changes, we change in the pose. We change in this world. We develop to the pose and find ourselves awakened to the body, mind and spirit of each asana and to each situation in our life. 

I firmly embrace this philosophy that we are always changing. With that said there is a space that we must hold, embrace the stagnant movement, feel secure in that space and then move forward. Holding in the asana practice builds strength, challenges the mind and breath. You must develop attention, focus, edge-playing, levers and lines of energy in order to fully grasp a pose. Even then, you must continue to practice, to grow on the mat, to live a life that embodies growth and change even in a stagnant place. If I am not willing to change in the times of holding, why would I change when things are flowing?

We all have a "limp" that keeps us from our full potential. Find what your limp is in the hold. What hurts, why are we irritated and miserable. Fix it! Then embrace that all good things are coming when you live with arms open, heart open and eyes fixed upon your goals!

Movement

Movement comes from intention. Each action that you take, each opportunity is all part of a grand plan but it lies within that intention. I always tell students to set an intention before they begin practice. Why do we intend to practice yoga? There was a time in each of our lives where yoga was nonexistant. Why did we start yoga? Why did we come back? There was some action behind each visit to the studio. That action starts to change as time passes. Sometimes you stop practicing yoga. Maybe you have never stopped. Either way, you have changed. Your intention, needs to change with you. It needs to guide your practice, your life and each moment.

What prevents us from accomplishing our goals? Do we intend to succeed or fail? I see people come take class to lose weight, but it goes beyond one hour of work. As you leave the studio your mind goes back to old habits of eating, old habits of sitting around and staying inactive. You drink too much, snack until the box is empty and maintain habits that are covering up the truth that your unhappy with more than just your weight. Intention is not about what you say, it is about what you think. When no one else is looking, when your in the deepest, darkest place where your mind goes. 

Setting an intention relies on us settling in to who we are, where we want to go and how we get there. Our intention supports that and keeps us on track for our goals, dreams and ambitions. I strive to be on the top of my game at all times, I know there are times I need to retreat and back off, giving myself time alone to recharge. That drive is what fuels me to be who I am today. I want to be an example of what a true yogi is. I want to teach a class that would develop even the most advanced yogi. I want to be part of an elite group of teachers that can teach anyone, anywhere and with any. I strive to not be the best teacher at a studio, to have the most people in class, I strive to be better than that. It is not about who follows you, how many people think your awesome. It is about the imprint that I leave on your life when you walk out of my class. It is the imprint that I share with you through my life experiences. I want to constantly move toward those goals. I want students that support that goal, friends that inspire me and challenge that greater good in me.

I have set this blog up so that I can support that goal. As it is here for you, it is about me sitting down each week and putting something down. I have to support my practice, my learning and this is my way of staying on track. I challenge you to do the same. Find your intention, find your goals and then stay on track. Each day needs to support that goal, that dream and form who you are. 

Shine On

Why do we run from our problems?
What are we afraid of?
Do our past experiences put us in the constant state of 'fight or flight'?
And how can I start to change my response and reactions?

Before life shaped me, hurt me and damaged me, I saw the world as a playground with so much to explore, to discover. Then I started to gain experience, ego started to form in me. Someone told me, maybe I just saw it, even on the playground at school, what my status was. How important I was in the lives of my classmates, my friends and my family. I formed who I was based off where I lived, what my parents did, what car they drove. I had this perception about life, about who I was and on a scale I would rate that importance. I grew up with that mentality and cared deeply what others thought.

I am glad that I can share my life in such a way that inspires others, what they do with that is at their disposal but I am in love with the life that I was given. I would not change one moment. I have stopped running from my problems, from who I should be, who I want to be. I stand here, sun on my face, sand in my toes, wind at my back and a smile on my face. 

When I was out in the desert, an hour and a half from Cabo, I had no cell phone service (not that I cared) but I realized that life is how busy I want to make it. I work for myself and so I want to make money, I pick up the phone and it is done. I want to sit on a beach and drink Margaritas all day that can happen to. Life is not busy unless you make it busy. You have all these bills to pay for, this life that YOU want, these problems that YOU want. Simplify your life to what YOU want. And try to not talk about your problems to anyone, don’t run from them, confront them. Answer them now and see how much extra time you have to do absolutely nothing. To live in complete bliss, free from worry, stress and yes, problems!

Let this life be a testament of trust, that each opportunity granted, each interaction is for a reason. At the end of my life, I can put it all together and understand but right now I just want to enjoy. When you stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, what you should be doing and just enjoy each moment, each experience as it comes to you, it becomes so real, you feel truly connected to your life and you shine so bright that others stop running just to stare at you!

Love_Me

I feel blessed to have so much love in my life. To be loved, to give my love to others and to see it all around me. To know that when one of us suffers, we all suffer. Love is a connection that we feel on different levels. It all is commonly rooted in compassion. To be genuine and to show your true self without ego or attachment.

Do you love yourself?

That might be my greatest lesson of this year, to love myself. It might be the hardest thing for me to do. To turn my attention away from others, away from giving and to turn it on myself and receive. I now love doing things for myself, like cleaning my house, washing the dishes and taking a long bath. I love going to dinner with myself, I love who I am. I love all of my quirky habits, that I am not a copy of anyone else and that I have taken this time to really get to know who I am. I know that in doing this it has helped me to discover what I need and look for in friends, in a partnership, in a relationship.  I know what I am good at, what I lack and when I just need time alone to give back to me. When I am at my best, it makes me a better vessel in which to give and to love.

I ask of all that read this. What kind of love are you sharing with others? Do you support people in this journey of life, through the joy and the pain? Or do you compete with others to win an endless race and constantly exude hatred and bitterness? Life is so much better when you can show yourself and others compassion. We are all walking the same path of life and it helps to know that there is someone near who does love you and care for you.

If you love someone, say it. There is no shame, only joy in knowing that this connection exists and we feel it.

The children of Adam are limbs of one body

Having been created of one essence.

When the calamity of time afflicts one limb

The other limbs cannot remain at rest.

If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others

You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man"

-Sa'di

Frederick Archibald: A true yogi

Frederick Archibald:
A true yogi

Most of you know this amazing creature that is part of my life. He is the butter on my toast, the yin to my yang and the love of my life! I can say that the day he came home with me is the happiest day of my entire life. He is the boyfriend that never came into my life, a father that didn't take the time and the friend that never listened.

'

This picture was taken on his second birthday. One of his many presents--an orange octopus!  I made him doggie pancakes and spent one of the best mornings with him. My joy comes not out of a dog, because dogs are great but my joy is in learning from him. He speaks to me without saying a word and teaches me things about myself that even the most knowledgeable person cannot speak. 

It is amazing to look back on the two and a half years and see how much he has taught me from saying nothing at all. All from being himself, napping 23 hours a day, and then being a hunk of wrinkles, all sorts of sounds and just pure love. I think our challenge lies in that we rely on words to communicate, where they are unable to speak they use their actions to tell us how they feel. So how can we as people learn to just be there for someone, not telling them how to act or how to react but just being a shoulder to lean on and presence in someone's life.

I have so much I can say about this man. But the reason why I write this blog is to connect yoga to you. Fred is not only an amazing athlete but also a yogi. He has a morning routine, a sadhana (one of the eight limbs of yoga) if you will, just as I do. Every morning he gets up and stretches. He does urdhva muhka svanasana and will pull himself all across my studio (see below), and ardha muhka svanasana. These poses are natural to him, a part of who he is, a dog. I mean, the poses are named after dogs! As a yogi, or someone who claims to be, what yogic principles do you follow in the morning? Do you stretch, read a morning text that sets up the rest of your day. Fred, bless his heart, is religious about taking his naps, 23 hours a day! But Fred is spiritual about his morning walk, his stretching and his time snuggling with me. When you are spiritual there is a different quality about what you do. You can religiously do anything but you can only be spiritual with what you are passionate about. What you say, reflects in your actions. Believe what you want to believe in but when it comes to yoga you either make it a part of you or you don't.

So let's talk about your Sadhana. As a teacher at Hot 8 Yoga, we are built upon the 8 limbs of yoga and this is just one of the eight. Every morning I wake up and do a simple practice (sometimes at 5 a.m. even this body acts a little different) and a 10 minute meditation. It is sacred to me, something that I make time for everyday. It keeps my teaching fresh, my mind alert and a smile on my face. It is a habit that I have worked hard to form and it helps knowing that my little buddy helps to keep me on that routine. Not all of you are dog or cat people but it is good to have a friend, a family member or just a yogi who is keeping you on track and holding you responsible.

who i am

I went surfing last Friday for the first time since moving here two years ago. Being out in the water, you can struggle and fight with the water. You can sit and enjoy the water, you can try to catch every wave that comes in. You can wait for the perfect wave that may or may not ever come. It is this duality; land meets sea, fish meets four legs and where my mind struggles to stay present. There is this moment right before the wave picks you up where you connect with the water, it is such a spiritual atmosphere, a washing away of what is not serving you and becoming aware of the moment, each moment that you have. It all has a purpose, the water, the fish, the seaweed. What is my purpose? 

My experience with the water is my own. It does not mean you will have those same feelings but how we relate to the outside world directly affects our internal state of mind, happiness and health. You can be afraid to get in the water, afraid to take a chance in life and that will affect the rest of your life. My thoughts toward myself are either supporting me or they are tearing me down. My yoga practice or surfing session is as easy or as hard as I want to make it and my relationships are as deep and connected as I make them. It is all in how I perceive and relate to the world around me. All of life is a series of choices, I have the ability to create the life that I want by my choices.

I starting thinking about all the violent thoughts that I hear people say all day long. It is all related to their experience. What you do in life is all based on perception. How successful do I want to be, how much love do I want to allow in my life and how much will I give back to the world around me. There is enough for all of us, enough success, enough money and enough love. There are waves rolling into shore all day, the question is, "Are you catching the waves or letting them roll right past you?"

I choose to be true and honest to who I am. I am stubborn and independent, I love turning the music up loud! I love to dance in my socks and bake cookies when I cannot sleep. Eat clean. Work hard. Forgive all. I smile when I cannot contain my joy, laugh often and cry just as much. That is my life, I won't apologize for it but I hope to take you on this journey with me and hope to inspire you to just be you. Be silly, fall in love, break someones heart, learn how to be on your own, laugh loud, smile every moment you can and enjoy this life.