Why Do I Do What I Do

My quest, to write the 'why' to actions, emotions or to our words. Why we have become the people that we are is not defined by our past, it is defined by our reason to exist. There has to be a greater force that lies behind us. For many it is money or financial gain, for others they have gone past money or material items and have a cause, something they champion every day. How we live our lives is always being redefined, that can take a lifetime to achieve one goal or by many causes that are checked off consistently. Once achieved, it is what we do after, to find it again, because the chase, the journey is truly what we all love.

Ultimately, we love struggle and pain but we want the outcomes. I find outcomes to be rewarding and anticlimactic, they are great for that moment and then, it is as if that fear, that unknown is revealed and we must redefine our cause. If we are defined by what we do, what is it that we are doing? Or is it not so much what we do but how we do it? I have yet to meet someone that was passionate about what they do (work or for fun) and did not end up being successful. Maybe not rich, or even close to it, but they accomplished what they set out to do.

Does it matter if you are first place or walking through the finish line? Apply that to your entire life, not an actual finish line in all scenarios but you get the point. If we always have to get better we are never taking time to enjoy the outcome but instead we are chasers, or for a more hot spot word, we are addicts. You are addicted to the chase, to wanting more. More money, more things, or even in the endurance sport arena, we want to be faster and we are willing to do anything to get it done.

I came from a very modest family that taught me as long as there is food on the table and a roof over my head I was not allowed to complain. I don't think I have followed that guideline very well. This blog is a check in for me, it is to share what is on my radar and what my goals are. I want to become more 'why' centered instead of 'how does it benefit me' centered. I have these goals written down, that is the easy part. Now, I am on to actually doing it.

CryBabyHouse: The Beginning

I write about big life changes as a coping mechanism to soothe me in to change. Change is necessary, it is great and makes you afraid of the unknown. I love change, being out of routine and marching to a different beat then I did yesterday. I am excited, nervous, anxious, happy and ready to go out on my own and build a space that I can call home, that I can put my fingerprint on  and fall in love with. Looking back on my past I remember a specific home that shaped me into the woman I am today.

I take you back to when I was 16 years old. I was coaching at my childhood gym, Oakland Gymnastics Training Center, working under Ruth and Chris Miller. The team of coaches were family to me, they knew more about me than my own family. They were hard on all of us, coaches and athletes, they made the best shoulders to cry upon and made my belly ache from laughing so hard. I think about each one of them often, the tough grit of Renee Henry, the teddy bear Mel Foster and the always lovable Stephanie Schmaltz were people that I looked up to, respected and one day wanted to be. Across the way, Ruth Miller would be sitting, it looked like she was doing absolutely nothing drinking her diet coke and having side conversations with other coaches. And then out of nowhere she would appear and she would correct a gymnast the only way you should ever correct someone, with tough love, usually with a stern, loud voice to match. Those years spent at Oakland would shape every part of who I am today. The personalities, the education and commitment to excellence is what I strive to create in my own studio, CryBabyHouse.

You ask, what is CryBabyHouse? It is a bring-your-bike, strength training and yoga studio. It will offer a strict policy of recognizing when you are making excuses and complaining, owning your struggle and standing up to the demons in your life. It forces you to be better, always. That your journey never stops, the struggle never gets easier and the excuses never go away. This studio is more than fitness, education or nutrition, it is about the attitude that you bring with you when you walk in the door. No matter what the day has in store, we will rise above it and do the best we can.

So with that, here's to offering a place where not all will want to stay because it makes them uncomfortable and forces us to be broken at times. This is not a studio or a place where you can hide, it is a home, my home and you better be prepared to work in this family!


Concept Art by: Eschom Nelms