Last Year To New Year

I am so blessed to have this day to contemplate all that has happened this year. I turn inward and reflect upon all that has happened in the last year. I lost myself, my sense of who I was and until that was challenged to the core I never knew who I was. But I know that you will always be in that cycle of finding out more, growing and becoming a better, more vibrant person.
Last year was all about finding myself, learning to be alone, to be confident and to define who I am, what I want and how I am going to get there. 
This year is all about knowing who I am and growing through that knowledge. 

1. Eat Clean, Healthy Food. I am doing 21 days of Raw in January and I will continue to eat as clean and as healthy as I can throughout the year. Splurging at times and especially when my body craves something sweet but everything in moderation and with conscious thought of how that is promoting a healthy, more energetic version of myself.

2. Take time out for me everyday. Take a class, read a book, go for a walk alone but everyday I must take 15 minutes, at the minimum out for myself.

3. Listen. Open up my ears and my eyes not just to people but to my surroundings. I live so close to amazing parks, beaches and museums and I rarely ever go. I will be devoting time off to this and if you would like to join me I would love to have field trips with friends at any time.

4. Give Back. As much as I already do this I want to really make it a point to give of myself, my talents and my knowledge more. I want to train people that are unable to afford it and show people that you can work out anywhere, anyplace and at anytime.

5. Surf. I want to devote time to surfing more. Just like yoga it connects me to this raw feeling of being with nature. Being patient, watchful and ready for anything that will come my way. It is my goal to surf as much as I can both here in LA as well as abroad.

6. Walk. Walk as much as I can, walk my dog, walk to the store, to the beach and just take the time to see all that I miss if I was in my car. Ed, you inspired this one and while I am not as ambitious as you once were I will try my best!

7. Read. I am someone who thrives on education and learning. When I stop learning I feel irritated, stagnant and stuck. I want to read as much as I can and I challenge myself to write about that more in my blogs. To educate, to inspire and to lead!

The Fight to be Right, Is Really Wrong!

Perspective

I see this constant fight over being right, over having the upper hand. This struggle in life to be right and to prove yourself to be validated. Lawyers are required to look at all angles on a case, to argue each side and try to make their argument more valid than the other. What do you really win when you argue with someone else? We will all be right, all be wrong and yet it will not get us any further in life. We are all different in how we were raised, how we learn or communicate. Understand that in each relationship that you have. Be forgiving of each other as we stumble and loving, full of praise when someone succeeds.

So much of our suffering in this world is caused from a lack of perspective. As we enter new phases of life, our perspective changes, we feel pain in a different way, we feel joy never felt. When I was a teenager I started coaching gymnastics. I saw these girls so eager to learn and I loved watching them over the years get stronger, more agile and eventually move up through the levels of competition. Some of them grew tired of doing the same thing. In reality, we are never doing the same thing, each moment is a chance to grow, to learn more. I love yoga because there is no ceiling, you can never arrive. All through life, experiences and moments happen that make you see life differently. We all want to be right, to win people over to our team. But really there is no team, no one wins at the end of their life, we pass on.

Perspective is never about being right. When ego gets in the way of your decision making, you will always lose. When you can see life through the eyes of another, their pain, their past and look into their eyes in the present and understand each word that comes out of their mouth, the actions that pour forth from their hands. Then you can truly understand why that person is the way they are. As a society we love labels, not just on our clothing but on people as well. Anorexic, over-indulgent, successful, depressed, workaholics, etc., we give these labels to people all day without putting much thought into it but we never look into why people are the way they are. How did they get to this point?

I have been judged so much in life. In grade school I was always called anorexic. I had to go home and ask my mom what it meant and even after I knew I never understood how these girls knew what that meant. It hurt my feelings and I tried to eat to prove to them that I was not anorexic at 7 years old. This is the culture that I was raised in. It is horrible, awful and toxic to our self-esteem. As a woman I have dealt with jealous women that just want to hurt me and win a race. It is horrible to think that there is a race, that we are not in this whole race together. To lift someone up when they are down and to celebrate beauty, success and love. Instead we have to cheat, lie and steal to get ahead. Ahead of what?

The tragedy that we faced on Friday will never be forgotten. We ask questions such as, why children? Why them? How can we prevent this? All I can say and from the bottom of my heart is that this is life. Death is a part of life and you will never know when your last breath will be. Change your perspective on life, on death, on your yoga practice, on your spouse, on your best friend. Open up your eyes to this beautiful world that is all around you! The key is to understanding that in reality we know nothing. The truth is what we believe it to be.

Goodnight Moon

Yoga is both the movement toward and the arrival at a point. There are three main components of your yoga practice that you may or may not be aware of, they are: tapas, svadhyaya and isvarapranidhana. Don't even worry about pronouncing those what is important is what they mean and how they incorporate our practice to our daily lives. Tapas is what we do in order to keep up our physical and mental health, a process of inner cleansing that will always show forth in our outer body as well. Svadhyaya is the process of finding out where we are, who we are and what we are. It is in this step that we slowly start to learn that we are constantly changing and so is the world around us. The last component of our practice is isvarapranidhana literally translates "to yield humbly to God," you all have the freewill to decide what you believe in, in yoga this translates more on placing value on the quality of your actions rather than on the fruits that can develop out of it.

From all that, I want to take you to something that is a little more simple yet for some of you so hard to do, and that is sleep. As the winter rolls our way it is so easy to stay in bed just 10 more minutes. I want to focus on the isvarapranidhana of our sleep. Making the quality of our sleep better not so much the quantity. Do you really need 8 hours? NOPE! What you need is the deep, deep rest that can only come when you literally turn everything OFF. I know you have all read studies and books on how to improve your sleep such as stop eating before 8 pm and yes that all helps but here are two things that many of you have never heard.

The key is to keep all electronics OFF and AWAY from you. Here is why--your body is a source of energy, that energy depletes during the day. It will take about a week of no sleep before the body starts to shut down. However, many of us suffer from lack of sleep causing our work to suffer, attention spans to shorten and craving caffeine all the more. When you are not getting enough sleep or not entering REM that healing process is not occurring, thus making you more susceptible to disease and sickness. When you get sick it is because your body is sending you a signal, you need to rest, you need more sleep because the it is not just about laying your head down for 8 hours it is about getting to that place where you can shut everything off.

"Sickness is the vengence of nature for the violation of her laws." --Charles Simmons    

I have learned that phones should not be allowed at dinner or in bed- EVER! I hate when you have your phone out at dinner but for the first time, in a long time, I started leaving my cell phone in the other room at night. It reduced my stress probably 50% because I would not be focused on work--rule of thumb, put your phone out of sight after 8 pm! Electronics (cell phone, computer, alarm clocks and televisions) should be turned off when you are sleeping or at least out of your bedroom. Electronics are not natural, they are not supposed to be near us while we sleep. They, like us, have an energy source, when we are around them our bodies are not allowed to heal, just like a radio interference when your body is near your phone, computer or television it is not getting the best quality that it can. Think of it like you want to enjoy that 4G speed but until those electronics are off you are a CAR PHONE (with the bag and all!) Enjoy the detachment from them, turn them off and put them in the other room!

Lastly, sleep NAKED!! Clothing produces static electricity-think pulling clothes out of the dryer. That static electricity is just like having your phone in bed with you---not good. So turn your phone off, take your clothes off and be HAPPY!

                                                                         

Are you wealthy?

What does it mean to be wealthy?
Do you need money, posessions or just a sense of security?
Write it out, think it but decide before reading this what wealth means to you.

I came across this article on yahoo! I was so appalled that we even care about this anymore that I had to read it. It goes on to say that the average person feels that if they make $161,000/year they are wealthy. I would say that one if I cared at all that sounds like a good amount of money but most importantly what does that buy me?!?

So, I sat around this week and literally googled what I could buy for that much money. Here is my list, I know there is literally an entire book I could write about this but just continue to read.

What you can buy for $161,000....
1. 2012 Porsche 911 Turbo Cabriolet (MSRP $149,000)
2. Rolex Oyster Cosmograph Daytona Watch ($104,125)
3. Diamond Studded Nike Boots ($218,000) -Ask Daddy for the extra $57,000.00
4. 1970 Enstrom 280C Helicopter ($120,000)
5. 42' Hunter 420 Sailboat ($128,500)
6. Hermes bracelet in rose gold and diamonds (4.73 carat), 2" diameter ($133,000)
7. A meal for 830,000 people @ $5 a person ($161,000)

Not being centered around money = ($PRICELESS)

I find that the more time I take out for myself to journal, take a yoga class or meditate the less I want to spend money on myself. It is nice to have things but it is better to be wealthy in quality friends, good quality food and a healthy body. This is my wealth, it is where I spend my money and why I talk so much about it.

What does wealth mean to you at the deepest level? Write it down and be honest with yourself. I wrote down a couple different options only to cross them all out and write down LOVE. In capital letters and with a big heart around it. I feel rich, wealthy, blessed and truly full of joy when I am loved. That feeling of no judgement, love that only comes out of time and respect for another person. It took me awhile to get where I am writing this article, it started on a purple yoga mat that has long been passed along. But that feeling of being loved has never left. Money cannot fill it up and knowing all the people will never compare to that one person that or even if you are blessed a couple of people that you can honestly say that you love.

I am teaching a donation yoga class at Lululemon-Santa Monica on December 16 @ 9:30am come out and donate what you would spend at lulu this month to Off the Mat, Into the World and amazing non-profit organization. You can learn more about them at offthematintotheworld.org

Giving Back



For me it was the best money spent, the most rewarding 90 minutes of my life. I had so much pain in my body that this was the only way I imagined it leaving. It was my first Bikram class and the start of my journey into this beautful new life.

This week, with the invitation of a friend I ventured back into the hot room. It has been almost a year since my last hot yoga class. It was hot, it was challenging but none of that really bothered me. What did bother me was my back, it started to spasm about 20 minutes into class. It brought back to light the reason why I started doing yoga. I had this burning sensation in my mid back and nothing would take the pain away. The more I did hot yoga, the more it went away. But yesterday all of that came back. My back has not felt that way in almost 2 years. Why did this happen now? Should I be concerned? All racing in my head during class. I came into childs pose and I just felt the pain. I took a breath and let it all sink in. I am a teacher, I should know all the answers. But I didn't. All I can say even now is that sometimes the body is reminding you of something for a reason, maybe a phantom pain or even the past rearing its head back up and reminding me to forgive myself. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is listening to your body's needs. As soon as the class ended, the pain went away and I was on cloud nine. The pain was a reminder to rest, to breathe and to let my practice be my own. To not just go in the room and be the best or do all 28 postures. To let each moment sink in and sometimes taking a little extra time to enjoy, to breathe and to be present both on the mat and when I step off.

As we all try to journey on in life, the past will show up, in nooks and crannies, in the stragest of places or even just out right in your face. It will come in the form of a person, an experience, a movie, a restaurant or for me a yoga class. How do you deal with that reminder? For me, my past is the hardest part of my yoga practice. To let go of what happened, to enjoy the present moment. Never underestimate what someone has been through. Knowing that my past is affecting my decisions now. Others living for the future, what could happen and those rare beings that are always present, always living for the now. Take that awareness into class, into the workplace, relationships and every single person you meet.

I challenge you for the month of December to put all that into your practice. To delve into the depths of why you started coming to yoga. Put that passion back into your practice, to go deeper, to stay in a pose longer and to breathe for just one more second. Challenge yourself yourself to get onto the mat, to go off the mat and to find that space in between. Respect, love and serve those around you without a motive and find true joy and happiness! And take that extra minute in class, stay in a pose longer, take child's pose or lay in savasana and just soak up being you.

Starting Over--Finding Joy Afterall

We all have this spark within us, that thing that ignites us, for me it is gymnastics. This is one of my childhood hero's. I meet so many people that used to find joy in their job or their family and they are forgetting why they ever loved it at all.

Please watch both of the attached clips.

years later, here is Vanessa...

Vanessa had quit gymnastics after not making the olympic trials and gave all of her money to other people. She felt that it was "dirty" and she did not deserve it because other people made her feel guilty for not making the olympics. I was never at the caliber of competition that Vanessa was at and I can only imagine how difficult that stress and pressure must have been. I see people all the time that are stuck in the past. They were this, they used to be so happy, or they just talk about the past as if that is all that life is supposed to be. I see no life in their eyes. Yoga brought that spark back into my eyes, that drive to enjoy life again. It made me want to get out of bed in the morning and spread my joy for life into the world. That fire never dies within us, you can find joy in other people being happy. For me and Vanessa, to perform for an audience of one is enough. It makes me happy to be upside down walking on my hands. That is me. What makes you happy when no one is looking, gives you joy unspeakable?

Love_Me

I feel blessed to have so much love in my life. To be loved, to give my love to others and to see it all around me. To know that when one of us suffers, we all suffer. Love is a connection that we feel on different levels. It all is commonly rooted in compassion. To be genuine and to show your true self without ego or attachment.

Do you love yourself?

That might be my greatest lesson of this year, to love myself. It might be the hardest thing for me to do. To turn my attention away from others, away from giving and to turn it on myself and receive. I now love doing things for myself, like cleaning my house, washing the dishes and taking a long bath. I love going to dinner with myself, I love who I am. I love all of my quirky habits, that I am not a copy of anyone else and that I have taken this time to really get to know who I am. I know that in doing this it has helped me to discover what I need and look for in friends, in a partnership, in a relationship.  I know what I am good at, what I lack and when I just need time alone to give back to me. When I am at my best, it makes me a better vessel in which to give and to love.

I ask of all that read this. What kind of love are you sharing with others? Do you support people in this journey of life, through the joy and the pain? Or do you compete with others to win an endless race and constantly exude hatred and bitterness? Life is so much better when you can show yourself and others compassion. We are all walking the same path of life and it helps to know that there is someone near who does love you and care for you.

If you love someone, say it. There is no shame, only joy in knowing that this connection exists and we feel it.

The children of Adam are limbs of one body

Having been created of one essence.

When the calamity of time afflicts one limb

The other limbs cannot remain at rest.

If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others

You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man"

-Sa'di

Oh the places you will go....

Oh the places that I have been....
Oh the people that I have met....
Oh the experiences I have had....

I have this itch in my body to travel, to see the world and to experience life without supermarkets, public transportation and high rises. I have a curiosity to learn and to inspire through my actions. I had somewhat of a rebellious streak growing up but that curiosity to learn and travel never hindered that. I saw rules as limiting my ability to grow, to get out into the world and truly understand life.  Learning for me is not reading----we can all read! Learning is applying a principle and living it out, feeling it down into your bones, to the deepest layer of your soul. 

Yesterday I was allowed to spend the entire day with one of my amazing friends. I taught a yoga class with her in the morning and by mid-morning, starving for something to eat, I made her my very top secret vegan cookies. We go to whole foods and pick up ingredients, get home and I go to work. I put it all together and had this great idea, not in the rule books or on the recipe at all. So I grab the blender and make up this goo of  chia seeds, chocolate peanut butter, a little almond milk, coconut oil and bananas. I mix it in and taste what could quite possibly be Satan, in cookie form. They were delicious! It was one of those few moments where breaking the rules actually paid off for me. I am not proud to tell you this because it has led me into a lot of trouble but if I did not agree with the rule or it did not make sense to me I would break it, bend it or just pretend I never saw it. 

Same goes for recipes and the rest of my life. I learned how to bake by not doing what I was supposed to, watching cooking shows and then just  going into the kitchen and making a bunch of food. Some was good, some was awful but that is the only way I know how to truly learn any craft, to put my hands on it, make a couple mistakes and keep doing it.

I know that my journey in life does not stop here in California, I will move on and go other places, touch other people and taste a different part of the world. I know that my desire to learn from life experience comes at a cost. As I get wiser, I realize there are times to just follow the rules but there are also times to shake off what everyone is telling you and just follow your heart. Like Dr. Seuss said “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” 

My purpose and direction only becomes more clear as I get on my mat, as I go out into the world, as I meet new people and as I start to see my actions reflecting what is in my heart---to give, to live and to love!

on the edge

I wrote a whole piece and decided this morning it needs more time. I shut my computer and went to the Venice Farmers Market. I walked around, hanging my head and feeling a little disappointed in myself. I just felt tired. I came home and sat down at my computer screen. I went back through past journal posts and this is all I kept thinking, "are we on the brink of greatness or are we hoping for greatness and expecting to fail?" I read all my thoughts and looking back I came up with that statement. There is hope for progress but it is filled with fear. So that is my challenge today, tomorrow and every day after that. To push forward without fear.

be on the edge, feel it, touch it and then take a leap of faith!
XO

My yoga crayons

Tadasana--Mountain Pose

The foundational pose of yoga. It tells us so much about ourselves without having to do anything. I learn so much about people by just watching how they move or stand in this pose. How they hold tension in the body and how they breathe if they breathe at all. One of the most amazing poses that we center our practice on and yet little to no attention is ever paid to how vital it is. If we can do tadasana correct, then all the other poses are just about moving a foot or hand. They are the colors that we paint our practice with. I see so many black and white yogis that just do a pose, then I spot someone who takes a pose and makes it their own. Stand up right now. Feel gravity against your feet. Feel where you put your weight. Taking that time to feel, to analyze and to correct.

Some teachers might say that you lean too far back in your heels that you are living in the past, lean too far forward, you anticipate the future and then there is the person centered and balanced in the middle that takes what they learned in the past and applies it towards their dreams, goals and in every situation moving forward. I love that but I also know anatomically that certain people have only trained certain muscles and this might have nothing to do with the past or future, but about what they can fix right now. They need yoga to teach them not only to center their mind but also their body. Take this pose and make it about you. What do you need in this moment? A calm mind, a balanced body or spiritual session. Maybe next time you step foot on your mat you need to just close your eyes, stop analyzing all the little things you can fix and just be in the now of how your body is behaving.

I can sit here and write all this cool stuff that I know about yoga and the history of this pose but you can honestly just google it. I think what I find so amazing about this pose is how vital our feet are, how when one misalignment is present it affects the entire rest of the body. How true is that then for the rest of your practice? If you cannot properly use your feet, are you properly engaging the legs so that it is evenly distributed?  And then what about the spiritual aspect, how can one common misconception affect everything else that you do? To find the subtle body and mind and make those subtle adjustments.

Time and time again I see students walk in the door thinking they are masters or so skillful in the art of yoga. They just want to be in a pose without exploring all the amazing space between. Tadasana can be so easy, so boring and so beginner. But turn tadasana upside down into a handstand and it is not so easy anymore.We can make this practice very black and white but how boring is that. There are rules to yoga, then there are the people that take the rules, bend them a bit and find that spark, that color, that space. That is how I practice, how I teach and how I live my life.

To Feel

To feel is to have pleasure. 

To feel is to be alive. 

As a culture we associate feeling as being inferior, with having too many emotions and being "feminine" in nature. We are told to "fake it til you make it." That is the last thing I ever want to be known for. When you don't feel you miss out on life. Who wants to always be happy? To never know pain is to never truly live. Imagine if you could not physically feel anything. You could not feel if you were touching the ground, if someone was touching you. That feeling of safety and grounding would disappear. Now relate that to your emotions. I have truly experienced all sorts of issues this year that take up a lot of space in my head.  I had reached this place where I could no longer analyze, the walls had been built up for so long and I let them all just crash down. I held on to all these issues thinking I had to solve them and be the hero. I hurt so badly that nothing affected me anymore. I was numb, especially in my yoga practice. I would go in, lay down my mat, practice and then roll up my mat and leave. But subtle changes were happening which slowly led to my break down.

Last night felt so amazing after I just let everything out. I cried for the first time maybe this year and then I cried again today. It was detoxifying, liberating and closure that I needed. But it was the amazing people around me that made it even sweeter of an experience. They surrounded me and embraced me, no words were needed. Just the feeling of someone next to me was all I needed.

Yoga allows you to feel the body as deep or as shallow as you allow it to. How can you change the way you feel in class? By staying in savasana longer, crying in the middle of class and laugh when you fall out of ardha chandrasana (half moon). We feel the body as it shakes and as it stretches. Become an active participant in your body. Don't just be a body in the room, be a source of energy and support for others in the class. Be aware that we are all in different places, some very good and some are in very dark places.

We are ALL not at our full capacity but we ALL work towards it everyday. I have been hurt and I am not afraid to tell you how bad it hurts. As my mother would always tell me, "you can get better or you can get bitter." So what do you choose? Will you choose to let those situations drag you down into the mud with you or will you rise above those situations and be the change. I have this scar on the back of my arm. I no longer have skin there because it was burnt off from a motorcycle engine. I hated that scar for so long and I was bitter about it. I even paid a plastic surgeon to remove as much of it as possible. I was unable to get rid of all of it and I slowly learned to embrace it. To love that part of my life that has given me such a sweet appreciation for each moment, each day and each person that comes into my life. What is so symbolic of this scar is that I cannot feel anything in that area of my body. You can be scarred so much by  your past that you lose all feeling in that area. I will never have feeling there but I do have the rest of my body. In fact, I have the rest of my life to feel, to cry, to smile and to change. It is a sweet journey that we are on. 

In order to touch the lives of others you have to be sensitive and allow yourself to be a channel in which to serve others and be able to feel what they are feeling. I have felt pain that I hope none of you ever experience. I just want to be sensitive and allow myself to smile and embrace you when you feel pain and hurt. I am here as your teacher, your friend and as a fellow human being that has felt deep pain and immense joy! I hope to be someone that has touched your life, that has given you hope in your time of need. 

Frederick Archibald: A true yogi

Frederick Archibald:
A true yogi

Most of you know this amazing creature that is part of my life. He is the butter on my toast, the yin to my yang and the love of my life! I can say that the day he came home with me is the happiest day of my entire life. He is the boyfriend that never came into my life, a father that didn't take the time and the friend that never listened.

'

This picture was taken on his second birthday. One of his many presents--an orange octopus!  I made him doggie pancakes and spent one of the best mornings with him. My joy comes not out of a dog, because dogs are great but my joy is in learning from him. He speaks to me without saying a word and teaches me things about myself that even the most knowledgeable person cannot speak. 

It is amazing to look back on the two and a half years and see how much he has taught me from saying nothing at all. All from being himself, napping 23 hours a day, and then being a hunk of wrinkles, all sorts of sounds and just pure love. I think our challenge lies in that we rely on words to communicate, where they are unable to speak they use their actions to tell us how they feel. So how can we as people learn to just be there for someone, not telling them how to act or how to react but just being a shoulder to lean on and presence in someone's life.

I have so much I can say about this man. But the reason why I write this blog is to connect yoga to you. Fred is not only an amazing athlete but also a yogi. He has a morning routine, a sadhana (one of the eight limbs of yoga) if you will, just as I do. Every morning he gets up and stretches. He does urdhva muhka svanasana and will pull himself all across my studio (see below), and ardha muhka svanasana. These poses are natural to him, a part of who he is, a dog. I mean, the poses are named after dogs! As a yogi, or someone who claims to be, what yogic principles do you follow in the morning? Do you stretch, read a morning text that sets up the rest of your day. Fred, bless his heart, is religious about taking his naps, 23 hours a day! But Fred is spiritual about his morning walk, his stretching and his time snuggling with me. When you are spiritual there is a different quality about what you do. You can religiously do anything but you can only be spiritual with what you are passionate about. What you say, reflects in your actions. Believe what you want to believe in but when it comes to yoga you either make it a part of you or you don't.

So let's talk about your Sadhana. As a teacher at Hot 8 Yoga, we are built upon the 8 limbs of yoga and this is just one of the eight. Every morning I wake up and do a simple practice (sometimes at 5 a.m. even this body acts a little different) and a 10 minute meditation. It is sacred to me, something that I make time for everyday. It keeps my teaching fresh, my mind alert and a smile on my face. It is a habit that I have worked hard to form and it helps knowing that my little buddy helps to keep me on that routine. Not all of you are dog or cat people but it is good to have a friend, a family member or just a yogi who is keeping you on track and holding you responsible.

who i am

I went surfing last Friday for the first time since moving here two years ago. Being out in the water, you can struggle and fight with the water. You can sit and enjoy the water, you can try to catch every wave that comes in. You can wait for the perfect wave that may or may not ever come. It is this duality; land meets sea, fish meets four legs and where my mind struggles to stay present. There is this moment right before the wave picks you up where you connect with the water, it is such a spiritual atmosphere, a washing away of what is not serving you and becoming aware of the moment, each moment that you have. It all has a purpose, the water, the fish, the seaweed. What is my purpose? 

My experience with the water is my own. It does not mean you will have those same feelings but how we relate to the outside world directly affects our internal state of mind, happiness and health. You can be afraid to get in the water, afraid to take a chance in life and that will affect the rest of your life. My thoughts toward myself are either supporting me or they are tearing me down. My yoga practice or surfing session is as easy or as hard as I want to make it and my relationships are as deep and connected as I make them. It is all in how I perceive and relate to the world around me. All of life is a series of choices, I have the ability to create the life that I want by my choices.

I starting thinking about all the violent thoughts that I hear people say all day long. It is all related to their experience. What you do in life is all based on perception. How successful do I want to be, how much love do I want to allow in my life and how much will I give back to the world around me. There is enough for all of us, enough success, enough money and enough love. There are waves rolling into shore all day, the question is, "Are you catching the waves or letting them roll right past you?"

I choose to be true and honest to who I am. I am stubborn and independent, I love turning the music up loud! I love to dance in my socks and bake cookies when I cannot sleep. Eat clean. Work hard. Forgive all. I smile when I cannot contain my joy, laugh often and cry just as much. That is my life, I won't apologize for it but I hope to take you on this journey with me and hope to inspire you to just be you. Be silly, fall in love, break someones heart, learn how to be on your own, laugh loud, smile every moment you can and enjoy this life. 

Magic Carpet Ride

I recently went to Disneyland where "dreams come true!" It is a magical place of happiness and complete fantasy. All put in this box of wonder for children to discover and explore. As we grow older we become disappointed that those dreams never came true quite as we imagined.  I was reminded over the weekend about all those dreams that I had. Life was so simple and easy and everything would always work out. You can choose to let the past drag you down and dream of the day when all your dreams come true or you can choose to be present. Letting the past guide you to not making the same mistakes, allowing your dreams of the future to push you and then becoming present in the moment as you live each moment fully. 

There is nothing wrong with having dreams and escaping to that dream world. Each time you step onto your yoga mat make that your magic carpet ride. Dream world will take you so far in life, then life sets in and the dream fades. I wanted prince Ali to come swoop in and save me. Today, all I want is to help change people from the inside out. All the other things will happen when the time is right. 

Live the life you imagine on your mat. Do what you can on that mat to make a positive statement towards your goals. When life is down, put the effort in to your practice to clear the mind and reset the body. When everything is going great, show that in your practice. Allow your practice to touch others and spread that contagious energy.

Being on the mat has taught me that the teacher has control, not me. That I am there for 90 minutes to breathe no matter what asana I am in. I can stand on my hands or lay on my back and my mind will stay clear and focused. My breath will not waiver. That is yoga. On the mat, off the mat! 

The Fall Equinox

I started a detox last monday. It is a good way to clear out all the junk that accumulated over the summer. A lot of emotions come out of a detox. You have to deal with problems and stresses and not being able to fall back on comfort food is difficult for me. Yet each time it is complete I want to stay eating as clean and healthy as possible. My yoga practice is always a solid foundation for me to lean on when I am doing the detox. A lot of negative emotions and thoughts have come up the past 2 weeks. I feel agitated with people and especially with myself. I grow impatient because I cannot find a quick fix for my problems. I narrowed it down to one thing that I think about myself:

I am not good enough!

I started analyzing all the things that I think about myself and how I honestly view my life. It is a hard topic to talk about because it is so honest. We all do it to varying degreees. We build up our friends and family, and then tear ourselves down. If we expect others to love us and treat us right then why don't we expect the same from ourselves. I cannot possibly love anyone if I can't learn this lesson. Because at the end of the day, I am alone, no one will take care of me better than myself. No one knows everything that I have been through, all of my mistakes, all the pain and heartache I have experienced. And no one can build you up the way that you can. Try saying something good about yourself. Sit down and actually write down all the good that is in your life. All the amazing things that you have in your life. If you can't write anything down start with this....

Why is it that I can clean out my body, I can do yoga for hours on end and run miles along the beach but I can't tell myself that I am enough. That I am changing peoples lives.

I am tired of beating myself up, promising that I will change tomorrow. You can tell yourself something positive right NOW! Force yourself each day to say only good things and see what changes in your life. I will tell you I have been doing this for a couple months now and I get exhausted hanging out with people that are down trodden about their life. They complain about all the problems in their life instead of being grateful for what they have. 

So make the choice, clean the body, clean the mind and clean out all the negative!

Love begets courage, moderation creates abundance and humiliation generates power.        --Rumi

Courage

Courage cannot exist in your life when your ego is in the way.

The above picture is one of my favorite yoga poses, Hanumanasana a.k.a. the splits. Symbolic of our battle between yoga (the calm) and the real world (the chaos). What makes me love this pose is not so much the stretch but the history behind the pose. The monkey god, Hanuman, is revered throughout India. Hanuman demonstrated his devotion to King Rama by searching the world for Rama's beloved wife Sita, who had been kidnapped. So great was Hanuman's desire to serve his master that he performed a mighty leap across the ocean to find her (hence why this pose is named after him). Hanuman had no ego, his devotion to 
serve his master is so great that he did everything in his power to find the King's wife. 

It's the qualities embodied by Hanuman that serve us most—not only in the pose but also beyond it: purity of motive, the conviction to unite what has been made separate, and the zeal to rise to any challenge. Love begets courage, so when you can fully love someone then you have the courage to speak the truth to them, to serve them, to cross the ocean for them and to stand up in their defense. If you don't have this then you cannot truly love anyone or anything.

Hanuman stands for the ability to soar. Hanumanasana reminds us that we can free ourselves of our small stride, our narrowness and our petty circumstances.  I look back on issues in my life that ended relationships or divided friendships. They all are caused from ego and lack of service. I have to first learn to love and embrace myself for all that I am, both the good and the bad. When I can fully understand that then I can serve someone in the capacity that will better both of us. 

We can all be more like Hanuman by taking with us his pure motive into relationships, the workplace, your yoga practice, even family issues. Be pure with your intentions, stop playing games and just be honest with yourself and with others. Go out of your way, be inconvenienced by the people in your life and inspire them to go out and help others. Be inspired by Hanuman and go out of your way to tell the people in your life that matter the most how you feel about them. Keep them close, and value them more than any other possession you have. 

As fall is at our doorstep, I challenge each person that reads this to make a change. To be of service to someone. Or to be like Hanuman and devote yourself to a cause. Take ego out of the equation and be humble enough to serve. Free yourself from the ego that tells you your too good. All of us have insecurities and weaknesses, embrace them. Take your scope of awareness outside of yourself, realize we all are facing problems, we all have been hurt and we all want to be loved. The more your honest, the less you will be holding in and the more open you will be to give, to live and to love.