i will NEVER stop: Living

Be daring, take a risk and go for what your heart desires. Words that I wrote listening to Fast Cars. Have you ever been in a moment that is so exhilarating where all else just seems so insignificant, so dull and boring? I challenge you to find those moments, those people and never let them leave your life. Surround yourself with people who fly above all the rest, that want to speed into their dreams and make them come true! 

I see so many people that have this false sense of security. They must lock their doors, they have an alarm and a door man that keep them a fortress to get to. Are you ever secure, free from pain or suffering? If someone wants to break into your house, all of those "security" precautions are not going to stop them. The same is true in life. Your never protected from a car accident, a health scare or heartbreak. They happen and sometimes when you least expect it to. That should never prevent you from getting in a car or living life. In fact it should make you want to enjoy this day. 

So many times we are scared to tell someone how we feel, we are afraid to ask for a raise or to stand up for ourselves. We feel SECURE by what is currently holding us. We always say that we want to change, we want to be married but when the time comes---fear strikes!

The night of my motorcycle accident I knew I should not go on motorcycles, I knew how dangerous they were but I am a risk taker. To some, a flaw. To me, it shows me that no matter how hard life may kick me down, I will always try, I will stay strong when everything around me has given way. I only have this one life and I want to end it knowing I did experience life and never let a moment slip by me because I was too afraid to speak my mind or try something new. My accident gave me a platform to help others who have been through the same rebuilding process. So I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. I don't want you to get on a motorcycle necessarily but I do want to inspire you to live without the fear of something turning out badly. It can be small changes, it can be the biggest leap you have ever taken, but when it comes to life, never be afraid to live!


I want you to get uncomfortable, I want you to struggle. Then you will not only grow, you will thrive! 

i will NEVER stop: Giving

  

I was making tea for myself last week and this was written on the back of the tea bag. I pulled it off, got on my yoga mat and sat with it for a second. I started to do a little yoga and ultimately had to stop and journal for awhile. What I wrote this week comes deep from my heart, it took a lot out of me last year and for some of you it might explain my behavior. I was looking to be loved when it all came down to it. I wanted someone to love, I wanted to feel loved. REAL, HONEST and PURE LOVE. And when I finally wrote all that down I realized I was loved by others but was not loving myself the way I should have. 

As a teacher I always had time to give back to others. I was giving of myself all day that it was hard to go into a space where I had to give back to me. I was used to being in a relationship where I was loved. I had never been in this space where I had no one to love me back. My love was running dry and my relationships suffered. I became very reclusive part of this year and I found that I had nothing to give to others. I would go teach class, come home and stay there. I did not want to talk to anyone, I was suffering in a way I had never experienced. I was happy, I was healthy and I felt on top of the world sill but I was not being loved. I had to learn to love myself when no one else was there to do it. I had to learn the enjoy the company of myself. To give of myself to others means that I must first give back to me. That means taking care of myself the best I can especially if I expect someone else to one day walk in my life and love me, then I need to know what I need in order to be loved in all capacities.

I want each and every person that reads this to know how driven I am to GIVE. When I take the time out to give back to me, I am able to give back to you so much more. I will NEVER stop giving to you, the community and especially to myself. My problem has never been not giving to others, it was always realizing when I needed to be taken care of. We are ingrained from a young age to always think of others first and that is important. But in this day and age of independence who is really taking care of you? No one knows how your feeling unless you tell them. I would spend time with friends telling them how I felt, hoping they would understand, they would feel sympathy for me but they didn't. And how grateful am I to them!

In order to give you must love and in return you are able to live the fullest life possible! 
I give because I do love. I care for people and see the beauty in each person. I also see struggle, pain and heartache. But as much as I would love to give you all the answers, each of us must learn how we can love ourselves instead of live in the pain, in the past. That is my gift to you. I want you to be selfish for a week and not splurging with your wallet. But make yourself a meal, go for a walk, spend time being alone to read, to journal, to do something that gives you joy without costing money. I am making a vision board of all the places I want to see, the things I want to accomplish and for the first time this year I was able to fully give back to myself and see what I want to create and inspire this year.

i will NEVER stop

If I could tell people one thing about me that has never changed it is that I will never stop. I will always change, learn, grow and evolve. The key to my inspiration is that it comes from this constant desire, a flame that will never be put out. I will never stop teaching, stop being a student or stop myself from doing something out of fear. Inside each of us is a flame, we ignite that flame to burn a little brighter, to feel that sense of belonging, of tradition and respect for the past yet growth towards what lies ahead.

I love stories so here is what inspired this post. I had a friend in town over New Year's and we went to the church where her parents were married. Probably not the most desired places that I would have thought to take her or even find inspiration but that is what happened. We walk into this Lebanese Catholic Church in Beverly Hills and I immediately felt at peace. I sat in the pews as she went around taking pictures. I could not help sitting down and just taking it all in. As I sit here and write all the emotions from then come pouring in. I don't know what it is about church or for that fact religion that bring such a calm to my being. I hate going to church and being told what to do, I hate telling people that there are rules they have to live by. But just being in that space, looking at the rows of candles or sitting and seeing this empty church brought about this feeling that I have not had in years, patience. 

I find that one thing I always have with people is patience, as long as you are honest with yourself, patience is key to change.

I am a question person, and so here is my list of questions for you. Answer them or just read....

Why do we value one building over another?

One person over another?

Does religion affect spirituality?

Can you bring religion, this feeling of peace into your yoga practice?

Can you bring it in to the room?

Do you want people to feel that from yoga?

Is that your job to tell people yoga is a form of church or is that blasphemy?

I sat in that church and I told myself that this is what yoga should be cultivating in students. Silence, trust, cleanliness, honor and respect. No matter your beliefs. We all come together united in this space to work out our faults, insecurities and weaknesses. It is a place to support, grow and love each other. 

I want people to walk in a room where I am teaching and feel like they just need to sit down, lay down but just shut their mouth and listen to their body, shut this thinking brain off and allow my voice to carry them through a practice that is tailored to heal, transform and inspire their life.

That is my goal and I hope it becomes yours one day as well.

tergiversate

There is a lioness down the hallway...

......put on your lion's mask and wait.

                                                                                                 --Bukowski

We all wear a mask, the key is to seeing the eyes behind the mask, look into their soul, the heart that beats into those eyes and see that we are all the same.

We desire union in our lives. We have family, friends. We get married. We have clubs, organizations, foundations that unite a common belief in which we all stand upon. Yoga is about union, uniting breath and movement, the busy life with meditation and action versus inaction. I question myself through times of change and I call upon those that I am close to in my union to gain wisdom and advice. 

A union is made in order to advance common goals and to secure common interests. When you find that friend that you "click" with it because of this union.  

In this quest for union, I see disconnect. I see a caste system. 

Am I no less prone to mistakes, error and failure. Am I merely a human just like you. I am doing my best, just like you are. We are all the same. We are all equal. I want people in my life who accept that while we agree in our union, each person that walks past me is equal in struggle, in pain and in growth. We are all capable of being amazing given the ability to shine. Find the union between the people that show up in your life. They are there to teach you as much as you are to teach them. Some will be there for a minute, a year and the lucky ones are there for a lifetime.