Truth is, whatever I aim to achieve is possble. If you work hard enough, long enough and without interruption you can achieve anything. You can set any goal, even achieve it, but that doesn't mean it is supposed to be yours. I see people everyday chasing dreams, it is fascinating to take a look at what makes us drive ourselves forward, sometimes into the ground in order to check something off a list. Do we love the achievement, do we love the suffering or the high we get chasing goals or do we just love life, that being able to achieve great new heights is truly living at its fullest.
I have been called "the walking accident," "a great athlete that never finished" and on and on it kept going through life that I was talented, I could achieve a great many things but it was always a little too high of a reach or so it seemed. My problems were never talent but on showing up on the line when it really mattered. When it came to production, to shining in the spotlight an injury would show up. Frustrated to say the least I became very bitter, angered that I could never prove myself in the right moments. Then I stopped, looked at the situation and realized that if I paid more attention to my body, my alignment and had proper coaching that I could have been more.
Or is it really true that I learned all that I did, that my love for being active is to teach not to win. I struggle with this reality because I love being the center of attention. Through that struggle I have been forced to live my life, to find other parts of life that I enjoy. I learned the long hard road of what it feels like to heal your body, it took me almost two years to begin to feel my age again after my motorcycle accident. It taught me patience and it taught me to enjoy a simple life. To get out of bed every morning and stand up was a struggle all its own, to put on my clothes required that I sit on the floor. To drive my car I had to go slow, to turn right required that my entire body moved. I hated when people would slam on the brakes because the force required to stop my car was so painful in my body it made me crave normalcy, to just feel absent of pain in the body. So, to look at my life today, being able to run and swim, go to a yoga class and live pain free feels incredible.
Maybe my purpose is to teach, to inspire others to compete and give you the tools that will let you shine, that the reality is I can be happy doing routine work and being ordinary. Maybe your reality is that you can love something and never get recognized for how great you are and we have to be accepting of that reality first. Do I really love what I do or do I love the attention I get while I do it?
I dream of a day when I can cross a finish line, a real one or the imaginary one to the goals that I lay out for myself. I try to start small, I build up one day at a time and ultimately I write down the big goal. I would love to be the girl that gets it back and can prove talent on the line. But that will never be enough, see we are always chasing to be better in all ways. The shift that I had to make was coming down from the clouds of lofty dreams and hopes of others into the reality of what I can truthfully achieve and what my purpose ultimately is. Do I have the patience and the love for what I do to keep showing up and wanting to get better, so that it doesn't matter if I am on a sports team going for the win or just enjoying myself in a sport I am working my body with an intention that it has to be challenged and I have to know when enough is enough, when rest is needed.
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