For me it was the best money spent, the most rewarding 90 minutes of my life. I had so much pain in my body that this was the only way I imagined it leaving. It was my first Bikram class and the start of my journey into this beautful new life. This week, with the invitation of a friend I ventured back into the hot room. It has been almost a year since my last hot yoga class. It was hot, it was challenging but none of that really bothered me. What did bother me was my back, it started to spasm about 20 minutes into class. It brought back to light the reason why I started doing yoga. I had this burning sensation in my mid back and nothing would take the pain away. The more I did hot yoga, the more it went away. But yesterday all of that came back. My back has not felt that way in almost 2 years. Why did this happen now? Should I be concerned? All racing in my head during class. I came into childs pose and I just felt the pain. I took a breath and let it all sink in. I am a teacher, I should know all the answers. But I didn't. All I can say even now is that sometimes the body is reminding you of something for a reason, maybe a phantom pain or even the past rearing its head back up and reminding me to forgive myself. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is listening to your body's needs. As soon as the class ended, the pain went away and I was on cloud nine. The pain was a reminder to rest, to breathe and to let my practice be my own. To not just go in the room and be the best or do all 28 postures. To let each moment sink in and sometimes taking a little extra time to enjoy, to breathe and to be present both on the mat and when I step off.
As we all try to journey on in life, the past will show up, in nooks and crannies, in the stragest of places or even just out right in your face. It will come in the form of a person, an experience, a movie, a restaurant or for me a yoga class. How do you deal with that reminder? For me, my past is the hardest part of my yoga practice. To let go of what happened, to enjoy the present moment. Never underestimate what someone has been through. Knowing that my past is affecting my decisions now. Others living for the future, what could happen and those rare beings that are always present, always living for the now. Take that awareness into class, into the workplace, relationships and every single person you meet.
I challenge you for the month of December to put all that into your practice. To delve into the depths of why you started coming to yoga. Put that passion back into your practice, to go deeper, to stay in a pose longer and to breathe for just one more second. Challenge yourself yourself to get onto the mat, to go off the mat and to find that space in between. Respect, love and serve those around you without a motive and find true joy and happiness! And take that extra minute in class, stay in a pose longer, take child's pose or lay in savasana and just soak up being you.
So many things come up on the yoga mat, it’s hard to pick just one – exercise, discipline, mindfulness, apprehension, fatigue, distraction, awareness, aging, companionship, entertainment, connection, looking back, moving forward, struggle, relaxation, elation – the list goes on. I find the entirety of my life experience can be viewed from the mat, in much the same way that the universe can be viewed in a single grain of sand. But one concept rises above all else and it is impermanence. No other experience enforces such an awareness that life is ever-changing. Every session, every day, every class is different from any other. Looking outward at each class, the group of students is different, the timing of the beginning and end is slightly different, the temperature of the room is different, even the mood of the teacher is different. Looking in, each posture feels different even if I have done that one hundreds of times before, my focus of attention is different, my body is not the same as it was in the past or ever will be in the future. Every class is full of new thoughts, new feelings, and new perspectives.
ReplyDeleteToday was a perfect example of impermanence. The heat was off in the primary barre room so the class was moved to a different room without a physical exercise barre. It was different, it was hot, it was close quarters, the postures and moves were unique and creative and challenging because it was a barre class in a non-barre room. Yet, it was delightful. If it happens again, it might be annoying instead. Such things cannot be predicted. Yoga brings to me an awareness of my evolution, that today is unique and like no other day, that tomorrow will be different yet again, that one day my experience of yoga and of life will pass. My time on the matt helps me to appreciate my life, my fellow classmates, and my teacher. I don’t always feel that way before, during, or after a class, but today the beauty of change was my lesson.