To: You

I am going to say what is on my mind because I only have that one chance to do it. I cannot live by the standards of our society, I have to create my own. I have to wake up every morning and be excited about all that I am doing, the people that are in my life and the work that I produce. Sure, it is easy to let my problems consume me and sometimes I do. But what I gained in these years is a voice. My voice. It will not sound like anyone else, it doesn't read like the best sellers list, but it is mine. I value it, I know who I am, I know that it will change and that I will be ready for it when it does. When life gets that hard, when all feels hopeless, there is still a fire in me to be true to myself, to go out into this world and change it. Because despite anything that ever happened in my life up to that point, I was still living with that optimism. I was born with that outlook, and a monster will never ruin that. Even now, I still believe that when you look someone in the eyes and speak, that truth pours from your soul. That people want to be better, to do things differently, if you give them the chance to do it. Maybe I am too optimistic, but we need to be more optimistic. We have to forgive, or we will die having never lived. For to live is to be free, free of all the confines of this world. 

Today I stand as a strong woman. I see all that is happening, all that is changing for women. I have optimism, that one day our children will live in a world where they don't have to be silent because of their gender or their sexual orientation. I want to live in a world where there are no expectations of me, only the possibility that I can do whatever I want. What I have learned is that you have to be patient and you have to respect the process of life and all those who came before you. Ride the roller coaster and enjoy the pain, really feel it because it is those feelings that fuel you into the future.

Love: The Definition of You

What you do on a daily basis eventually becomes who you are at the end of your life. 

I wake up, teach class, eat, teach another class, eat again. Nap. Eat. Teach. Eat. Teach. Sleep. Somewhere in the mix of all that I fit in time for myself, or that ends up being nap time again. I sat down with a pad of paper and wrote down what is hard for me to do. On that list included: take the time to notice the small things, be kind when all I feel is angry, when you are in need--give back to others. The list went on but I realized that I can do all of the things that I am terrible at each and every day. I am in control of the focus of my life story. If I can take the time to reflect each month over the things I need to work on or even the things I want to accomplish. When I started applying that philosophy to my life it started to drive my day towards others instead of making the day all about me and my needs.

I think so many times we think we should be doing "X" to define "Y." We chase after a dream that we never truly explored. If you love money, then define yourself as that. I am under the assumption that there is always more to a person than what they want to show everyone. We are complex, emotional and passionate beings that want to be accepted. So it is natural to try to prove your worth to family, friends and all those that are interested. Hard question is, can you just exist in a space that is all yours? Can you love without being loved back?

I wrote what my definition is: Katherine Ryan, I am a servant, who loves to read, listen to music and be outdoors, preferably with sunshine and sand. I love to love. I love to teach those who want to learn. I want to serve the world in a capacity I am not sure of now, so I will keep my heart and my mind open to that possibility.

When I started teaching there were times when no one would show up. It was defeating, I could of given up, threw my hands up and said this was too tough, no one wants me. But I sat down, I wrote down reasons why I love what I do, why I chose to give up another life, another career for this. I had months that were tough, very, very tough. I realized that regardless of the audience in front of me, I was fueled by learning and by teaching. I choose to show up day in and day out with a purpose, a reason for teaching and I ask clients to define why they are in my class. If they are not leaving class having learned something either they are in the wrong class or I am the wrong teacher for them. The people in our lives need to give us something; inspiration, motivation, conversation all lead up to great client relationships but that has to continue otherwise the relationship will end. You have to continue to show up ready to learn and explore.

I have been exploring this teacher/student relationship for a while and it is so great to see students start to explore other classes and other teachers. I implore you all to ask the hard questions, why do I get up every morning? Why am I going to this class? Why am I going to work? Why do I have this person in my life? Keep yourself challenged and keep on challenging those in your life. That is when transformation happens, where breakthrough occurs and moves are truly made. Don't look back at your life with regrets, live each day how you want. And if you make a mistake, try again and be better the next time.

a note for me

As Thanksgiving rolls around this year I start to appreciate all the people in my life, the people that are no longer in my life and the people who were taken away too soon from life. If there is one person that comes to mind this Thanksgiving it is my grandfather. The vision of strong, a provider, an innovator and when I walked in the room his heart would melt, his stubborn ego would all melt away.

While he was in my life he was the perfect example of love, a love that I have strived the rest of my life to find. My parents, showed me a love that is from the tough love category, to them I owe a lot more than just a blog post. A lover, ends in love lost, time lost and wounds open. But my grandfather taught me of a love so deep and profound that can only be given from a grandparent to their grandchild. It is an unconditional love that can only happen between two people that are so profoundly opposite; me in my innocence and him in his wisdom.

Roll out my mat, see my practice today, the frustrations that I have. I realize that I have hit a place where it is time to start a new chapter of my life. It is a shift that looks like this, my life is starting to reflect how I feel inside. What is the attitude that you have toward yourself? Do you reflect outward what is going on inward? A clean car, a clean diet are all reflections of how you truly think and feel about yourself. If you think your going to fail, then you set yourself up to fail. If you look at yourself with the greatest intention, a goal to achieve and a set of shoes that you will grow in to, patience, faith and trust is all that is standing in the way of your success.

As I come in to this holiday season I think back to my Grandfather, who saw all the possibility of who I will grow up to be. A love so deep, it has taken me 25 years to understand. A love I should have for myself, the belief that I am enough, that I want to see myself the way my Grandfather saw me. So here's to Grandpa, to spoiling myself with love and positive thoughts. To being thankful for my body, my life, my dog, my job and life exactly the way they are. 

Please hold....

The ebb and flow of life. We live for the highs. Love when things go our way. When the universe seems to hear our every thought and answers it better than we even asked for. It is the valleys, the moments of stagnation and holds. It tests our patience, it refines who we are and what we stand for if we are willing. It is hard to be in that space. We get tired, restless and wonder when things will change. It is in those times that we learn the most, we set goals, say things will change. What happens when you are put on hold, stuck with no escape?

There is no way to remain the way you are now: you either become more rigid and crystallize, or you break out of patterns and transform. In yoga, you never achieve a pose, you start to find out how a posture works, you work at that and then continue to break out of old habits and discover better ones. Our bodies change, mind changes; we change. The pose never changes, we change in the pose. We change in this world. We develop to the pose and find ourselves awakened to the body, mind and spirit of each asana and to each situation in our life. 

I firmly embrace this philosophy that we are always changing. With that said there is a space that we must hold, embrace the stagnant movement, feel secure in that space and then move forward. Holding in the asana practice builds strength, challenges the mind and breath. You must develop attention, focus, edge-playing, levers and lines of energy in order to fully grasp a pose. Even then, you must continue to practice, to grow on the mat, to live a life that embodies growth and change even in a stagnant place. If I am not willing to change in the times of holding, why would I change when things are flowing?

We all have a "limp" that keeps us from our full potential. Find what your limp is in the hold. What hurts, why are we irritated and miserable. Fix it! Then embrace that all good things are coming when you live with arms open, heart open and eyes fixed upon your goals!

Love_Me

I feel blessed to have so much love in my life. To be loved, to give my love to others and to see it all around me. To know that when one of us suffers, we all suffer. Love is a connection that we feel on different levels. It all is commonly rooted in compassion. To be genuine and to show your true self without ego or attachment.

Do you love yourself?

That might be my greatest lesson of this year, to love myself. It might be the hardest thing for me to do. To turn my attention away from others, away from giving and to turn it on myself and receive. I now love doing things for myself, like cleaning my house, washing the dishes and taking a long bath. I love going to dinner with myself, I love who I am. I love all of my quirky habits, that I am not a copy of anyone else and that I have taken this time to really get to know who I am. I know that in doing this it has helped me to discover what I need and look for in friends, in a partnership, in a relationship.  I know what I am good at, what I lack and when I just need time alone to give back to me. When I am at my best, it makes me a better vessel in which to give and to love.

I ask of all that read this. What kind of love are you sharing with others? Do you support people in this journey of life, through the joy and the pain? Or do you compete with others to win an endless race and constantly exude hatred and bitterness? Life is so much better when you can show yourself and others compassion. We are all walking the same path of life and it helps to know that there is someone near who does love you and care for you.

If you love someone, say it. There is no shame, only joy in knowing that this connection exists and we feel it.

The children of Adam are limbs of one body

Having been created of one essence.

When the calamity of time afflicts one limb

The other limbs cannot remain at rest.

If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others

You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man"

-Sa'di